Thursday 30 December 2021

Yesterday was exceedingly difficult and when I woke up I was alone, PJ was in the big chair by the fire and didn't stir when I shook his shoulder. He was out. He looked exhausted and yet when I went to bed everything was fine (fine being relative). My anxiety is far worse at night and Duncan is in charge of the Christmas gift I mentioned the other day and I get a whole bunch of it right before bed and then I'm out like a stone and it's almost funny. I sleep right through but it's only been a couple of nights so we'll see if it holds. No one liked that mention of the gift in particular which is interesting. It is fully legal here and he bought it legally and for the record I did not know what to do with it exactly but he said not to worry so there you go. 

When I went downstairs, Ben is asleep on the big couch in the kitchen. No lights are on. The sweet part is that Lochlan is beside him, one arm threaded all the way through the kangaroo pocket on the front of Ben's hoodie. He used to do that with me when I was a child and he was afraid I would awaken and go somewhere while he slept. I find it sweet that he covered all his bases and sent PJ up to watch me and I find it sweet that I guess Ben fell asleep first and Lochlan didn't want to wake him up to move him. 

There's a rogue whiskey bottle halfway down the big long kitchen table, but it hasn't been opened. The plastic is still around the top.