Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly loss, this can't be real
I cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness, taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone
We had to bail on the beach part as the freezing rain began at five sharp and Ben almost wiped out and that was that for those treacherous stairs because he takes his sweet time now and had that been PJ or Duncan charging down at full speed we'd be pallbearers today, every one of us.
We took the party to Schuyler and Daniel's house and sang and played and ate until far past my bedtime and I yawned at last and by this time the whole point was encased in ice and everyone was leaving and so Lochlan and I clutched each other's hands and were the last out the door, dragging each other down the slick path to home. It took us an almost comically-sad moment to get up the steps to the patio doors which were locked and so we had to wait in the icy rain, calling Ben and then Dalton and finally Henry who came and opened the door and pulled us in. He went back to his rooms and we went upstairs after getting orange juice and oreos and we were only a bit drunk, not the maudlin stage yet but slightly past silly so just serious enough to do what we do best.
Fight.
It was quiet and heartbreaking though, because a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts and so when Lochlan grabbed my by the shoulders he gave a good soft shake and waited until I could focus on him.
You didn't even look at him. Didn't leave my side. You stayed put and I'm proud of you.
My eyebrows go up and I set my teeth together, tongue in the middle, cracked in half.
What's the look for?
I can look at him.
And I can still kill him. I open my teeth in horror. Lochlan might be mean and sometimes he gets a little too jealous but this isn't hyperbole.
Stop it. Locket. Please.
Imagine-
I need to sleep and you need to stop talking.
What if we had what we used to have? What if you still loved me the most?
I DO.
Little liar.
I'm not.
And this morning, well, you should hear my acoustic piano arrangement of Fade to Black. I don't know which one of them hates it most but I hope it's Lochlan.