How are you feeling?
I am on the swing and I hear him before I see him, as is his usual routine these days. He gets into my head first and works his way out until my eyes catch sight of the blonde hair and the ever-present pale blue button down.
I look for Caleb but he is clear on the other side of the vineyard inspecting the new shed. He's not a gardener as such but I can get him to walk the grounds and it's shady out here so I like to come out and see what's growing before the sun can touch me. I always stop for ten or fifteen for a thought and a swing, and no one ever seems to mind. And I don't know who put Jacob in the orchard but maybe he's here so I can see him from my studio windows. Or maybe he's just here because he follows me wherever I go.
I've had better springs. My face still has pain. And I got my vaccine so honestly I could sleep for a month, if prompted.
You could sleep more, that's for sure.
Are you there too?
I'm with you all the time.
Personal Jesus. Wasn't that a song?
By a band you don't like.
Who gave you permission to follow me around?
You did.
When did I do this?
When you chose to never stop grieving.
Am I supposed to stop?
Most people do.
I have never ever been a 'most-people'.
This is true.
Neamhchiontach. Oh. The Devil is back around this way and the spell is broken. Jacob retreats back behind my eyes and Caleb is there holding out a grand bouquet of nigella flowers, one of my favourites. I planted a metric ton of them all around the edge of the side yard and they have grown up in a knee-high perimeter of airy star-shaped blue and white delicate blooms that make me so happy they beat every bouquet professionally willed into this house. Ruth and I have been pressing them constantly to use in future projects. I've been trying to paint them. It doesn't stop and it's considered a good healthy obsession, one of so few that garners approval.
Wow. Thank you.
They are almost as beautiful as you. What were you saying when I came up? Did you have to stop swinging because I'm back? No. Not if you don't want to.
I think I'm done for now.
Okay, we can work our way back. He holds out his elbow so that I can take his arm and we head back down the hill.