Thursday 20 May 2021

Longer nights.

God bless Everett and God bless Joel. They've been working together (!) with Sam, with Lochlan and with Ben behind the scenes, with August, who probably worries most of all but works so hard to keep it casual, to figure out what to do next. 

And they did. Monday everything changed again and this is another attempt to organize things here or at least make them easier for all of us. Not just me but okay, fine, mostly me. The smallest and weakest. The runt of the litter, as it were. 

Asher's back. He's been back for five days and it's been really nice. He's a familiar face if you're a longtime reader for a breath seven or eight years ago and we had a plan for him but it wasn't quite right. He arrived with intentions to become the butler and just...look after things, but it was strange and no one would let him do anything and he wasn't really sure either, he only knew he wanted an unconventional life but after seeing the world and getting a little older, he is back to settle down. Or rather, he hasn't settled down and so he's back for another go. 

He's Batman's Godson, and he's really mellowed into a handsome, easy-going, take-no-bullshit personality with humour and grace. He's a lot like Sam in that way, though Sam takes all my bullshit. I don't know where he keeps it, but he takes it. 

So Asher's focus this time around employment-wise is not to manage the house but just me. If I have errands, he'll do them. If I need food, he'll get it. My chores are his chores now. If I do something it will be a whim, apparently. He will be a bodyguard against wasps and sea lions and strangers and bears, oh my. He will rub my neck for me and choose my outfits. He'll be a human buffer between me and Gage the world. He'll set out my toothbrush and my pajamas.

He's going to listen to my problems, whether first or third-world. He'll put up with my whining. He's going to be my confidante, my best friend and my assistant. There's no overstepping with PJ now, no difficulties trying to raise the kids with extra faces on hand (the kids are adults, Ruth is apartment-shopping) and even Caleb is on board. 

He will disappear when Lochlan is around, however unless Lochlan asks him to stay close.

I had zero problems being honest and open with him. We are easy friends. This morning when I came down, a few minutes before Lochlan was ready, I showed Asher the progress on my face and he told me I was still adorable but also stupid for for assuming the world was a friendly, safe place. I don't assume that and tell him so with colourful belligerence. He ignores me, hands me my pills and a glass of water, then hands me my coffee. In a travel mug so I don't spill it or burn myself, and so it doesn't get cold. He watches everything and fixes it. He is a quick study, or maybe I'm a short read. He's a sharp wit. He's going to lift the weight without the demands. If I don't want to talk I don't have to. No one is demanding I flay myself down to the bone at their command. No one wants to talk it out and fix it instantly anymore. No one's demanding anything. They just decided to pitch the fuck in. But he'll be able to sound the alarm before I know we need to ring it.

There's only one problem and it's that always-present awful one that I can't get away from. 

Yes, he's really cute. And now that he's close to thirty he's doing that thing men do when they go from cute to easy-handsome. 

Lochlan laughs when I lay it all out for him. Lochlan is not worried. 

I didn't say you should be worried-

I'm not jealous either. 

Why not? 

He's not Caleb. 

Ah. 

Ah, he repeats.

Still? I cock my head at him, eyes narrowed. 

Forever, Lochlan frowns and my heart breaks a thousand times in the space of one beat, becoming stars. Asher comes back, sees the darkness, appreciates the stars for a minute and then instead of asking me if I'm cold, just hands me my sweater, staying close as I need help putting it on with the forever-fucked up elbow I can't bend the way it should. 

When my head pops through the neckhole Lochlan kisses my nose and tells me if I have worries I can put them away now. 

 Asher turns his pockets inside out and says he has room. I think he needs cargo pants. Or maybe a cargo plane. I tell him and he laughs and tells me nothing is insurmountable. 

That's how I am reminded how young he still is.