I spent most of the overnight hours sitting in the library or on the front porch with Duncan, trying to soothe his wild ego, mend his close relationship with his brother through absolution, and repair whatever fractured friendship we seem to have ended up with. I didn't realize how terribly hurt he's been over some of my words and feelings, how sad he feels that I think of him the way I do, and how betrayed he would feel that I kept on, steamrolling through this point leaving a swath of broken hearts and destruction while I look for a way to fix my own broken heart and fail, every single day, over and over again.
He took it to heart, so personally he says he's different now and that's what I've always wanted and yet have always tried to avoid. I don't want them to get sucked into my gravity field but I can't see any other way to manage this.
We talked for days. He knows things about me he didn't know before, maybe. Things he's guessed at, partial truths with huge gaps now closed. I broke his heart again on purpose, with intent this time so that he would not have any lingering questions and now we start over with a new friendship, with a whole new relationship on a new level. Maybe one with all of our weaknesses and mistakes still close enough to touch but maybe he'll not be hurt by the things I do or don't do, as it were.
Why didn't you tell me everything the first time?
Because I don't want hate to have a place here. It's a point-blank shot to the heart. It serves no purpose to make the boys enemies of each other.
Why did you lie? You said there were no secrets, Bridget, nothing left that we didn't know.
I still love him. I still want to protect him. I want to protect you. I want to protect me.
He doesn't deserve it. Caleb deserves nothing from any of us.
Well, life never turns out the way you plan for it to, does it?
No. It doesn't. The grief on Duncan's face mirrors my own.
This is what I would have spared you until the day I die. There's no reason you should have to figure out how to live with this.
There's no reason you have to live with it alone when we're all here to help.
He took it to heart, so personally he says he's different now and that's what I've always wanted and yet have always tried to avoid. I don't want them to get sucked into my gravity field but I can't see any other way to manage this.
We talked for days. He knows things about me he didn't know before, maybe. Things he's guessed at, partial truths with huge gaps now closed. I broke his heart again on purpose, with intent this time so that he would not have any lingering questions and now we start over with a new friendship, with a whole new relationship on a new level. Maybe one with all of our weaknesses and mistakes still close enough to touch but maybe he'll not be hurt by the things I do or don't do, as it were.
Why didn't you tell me everything the first time?
Because I don't want hate to have a place here. It's a point-blank shot to the heart. It serves no purpose to make the boys enemies of each other.
Why did you lie? You said there were no secrets, Bridget, nothing left that we didn't know.
I still love him. I still want to protect him. I want to protect you. I want to protect me.
He doesn't deserve it. Caleb deserves nothing from any of us.
Well, life never turns out the way you plan for it to, does it?
No. It doesn't. The grief on Duncan's face mirrors my own.
This is what I would have spared you until the day I die. There's no reason you should have to figure out how to live with this.
There's no reason you have to live with it alone when we're all here to help.