Lochlan said I smelled like a perpetual blend of smoked sea salt and bulletproof coffee with an undercurrent of lilacs. He said I did good, but he's happy I'm home and we slept hard last night on the giant hockey-arena sized bed, looped in against Ben, a rescue ship on a stormy sea if ever there was one, which is somehow surprising in light of Ben's long history as the sweetest, meanest dry drunk you ever met. He's mellowed beyond the pale in the past few years though. Probably because of the stress of being with me. Or maybe just because they're all hitting that fifth decade one by one and it's like a switch being flicked sometimes and then other times you can see the indignant teenage stubbornness flare up and flame out in a whoosh. It's still there. It's still them.
I know why I smelled strange, I spent hours on the beach yesterday. It reeked of seaweed and petrichor and I love it so I stayed. They had to pull me away physically (it happens sometimes) and then as soon as I could get away again I went back and finally Lochlan came back down with one of the big lanterns because it was almost dinner time and getting dark.
Want me to bring the sleeping bags? He laughed.
Can we??? Thought the rest of my dreams were going to come true for a minute there.
No, Peanut. It's going to drop to the minuses tonight. You thought you were cold last night, you'd never make it.
I'm never cold with Lochlan. Ever. He is fire incarnate.
I smile at him and somehow he knows what I'm thinking.
Come on peanut. Let's go up.
After dinner Ben appeared and didn't go back downstairs and at ten-thirty sharp we went up to bed. I kept looking at him, a stranger who rarely shows his face before the waning hours, a night owl in a house full of reluctant morning people. An enigma.
Thought you might need me, he shrugged. Also since you weren't here last night. Lochlan and I have decided we're in love. He smiles dramatically.
I look at Lochlan and he nods. We'll see if we still have room for you.
I stand there waiting until they're both in and Ben turns the light out and I stand there in the dark. What if they're serious? What if I lost my place?
Then Ben turns the light back on and says, Get in here, Bee. You know what Loch and I have is superficial. It's all based on looks.
What about me? Isn't that based on looks too?
There's not enough of you to look at. Too small! And he laughs and turns off the light again once I've climbed over Lochlan to take my place as monkey in the middle. Funny how we increased the size of the bed so much and I still have no room.
Your hair smells weird.
It's the beach.
Nothing ever changes, Peanut.
Good.
