Ugh. Up at four-thirty for God knows why. Did all of the laundry, fixed the broken Christmas ornaments and tackled the mending pile. Wandered. Saw a light on in Andrew's room across the yard and several at Batman's. Ate a banana, got heartburn. Went outside. Stupid sun won't come up. It must be stuck. Maybe someone can give it a push later. Rolled downhill into a little hole and also got stuck. Contemplated dragging the driveway toward me but at the other end is the boathouse so instead I pulled toward the right and eventually climbed out of the hole long enough to make it up the steps to August's flat. Knocked five times as per instructions when I can no longer speak. Stomach hurts. Head hurts. Heart hurts. Christmas hurts? This is new. He opens the door in boxers and yesterday's t-shirt. Arms out. Hard hug without an ending. To be continued. I drop back in the hole but he's got me by one arm. I'll be okay.
He mumbles something about getting me better drugs and maybe a SAD light too and leads me to his bed where he crashes hard, one hand still grasping my arm as I dangle on the edge of sleep at last. Fall into dreams of some other big Newfoundlander with an accent thicker than whipped cream, more colorful than a rainbow. Cry in my dreams. Wake up to August holding me so hard he cracked my ribs. Head feels clear, stomach doesn't hurt anymore.
Not supposed to be here.
Not supposed to use him as a surroJake but he's the closest I will ever get ever again and frankly I don't care and I don't think he minds any more than he used to. Gave him something he needed too. It's Christmas. No one should sleep alone.
