Thursday, 16 January 2014

Hand forged deities.

Mayday! Mayday!
The ship is slowly sinking
They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling
They're all around me
Circling like vultures
They wanna break me and wash away my colors
Wash away my colors

Take me high and I'll sing
Oh you make everything okay
We are one in the same
Oh you take all of the pain away
Save me if I become
My demons
I went for a walk on the beach this morning with Jacob's father. He had a solid elbow to offer me, and Jacob walked five paces behind us. I'm sure Finn could feel him there. I didn't have to look over my shoulder because I felt him there. He was probably making sure I didn't slip on the rocks and take his father with me into the sea.

I was told it's not my fault.

Finn kissed my cheek and held me close and I smelled the salt and sandalwood that follows me like a spirit of love long gone and he rubbed my back while I cried in relief. Relief and then sadness that Jake was so far gone that everyone knew and I couldn't crawl out of my own hole long enough to pull him out of his.

I bought him time and it will take me the rest of my life to pay for it.

Is that an aphorism? Jacob's eyebrows go up. He's pacing small circles on the garage floor. His father is resting now. His mom is sketching at the counter with Dalton, who has taken to her so sweetly. I think he thought he could practice his charms on her and is surprised to discover he is the one being charmed here.

Allegory maybe. I don't know anymore, Preacher. 

I'm glad they came. Not many big trips left for them. It's hard to be older, Bridget. I'm almost grateful to have faced my mortality on my own terms. 

I bite my lip so I don't yell something into his face that I'll regret. The door opens and the light floods in around Lochlan. He sees my face and tells me it's too late to be hanging out with ghosts. That I should come in where it's warm. I realize my arm is throbbing and I nod. I don't look at Jacob when I leave.

Maybe he was just like everyone else after all.