Wednesday, 18 December 2013

Kiss and burn.

(Pinch me, I tend to dream instead of breathe.)

I'm not sure I realize how hard I go until the cool air hits me in the morning as I get up and realize I am razorburned all over. It's a good look going with the cast. This is what Ghost Rider would look like injured. On fire. I figured I would be useless. I was not.

I fell asleep locked between them, Ben's arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me against his chest, his chin resting against the top of my head, and Lochlan's arms wrapped around my neck, nose to nose, my cast between us, gently squished against his chest.

So I didn't really want to get up this morning.

I don't think anyone did though. It's like Ben never left. It's like being home flipped the switch back and he's engaged and dedicated and present suddenly. He got up and had a quick shower and headed to a meeting first thing, saying to save some time for a second cup of coffee with him when he comes home, that he is so sorry he acted like an absent dickhead for weeks on end but it hurt too much to do anything different.

Hearing that helped so much, you have no idea.

And the interim between when he went out and when he returned, I fielded concerned curiosity from the others, including Batman but not New Jake. New Jake took him to the meeting and will be hoverish as required. We both have babysitters. Nothing changes.

Answers to inquiries ranged from sweetly honest to pornographic and uncomfortable depending on who I wanted to rile up today. So, Caleb, of course, as always and Batman, who seems thrilled to have his new house to himself (because New Jake hardly makes a imprint or a peep) and thrilled that we're going to keep at this and not give up on each other, me and Ben because we've come close.

And Lochlan, who I was worried about more than anyone, frankly, is taking things in stride. For all of his pragmatic life views he's still one freaky guy. He said it's right. It works. He can't explain it. And then when pressed he pointed out that he knows how I feel about him and that's all that matters and I seem to have so much love and so much need going on all the time all at once and so this is how things work best.

See it's slightly different for us dynamically-speaking in that Lochlan represents the desperate, overheated teenage rush of love and Ben is the laid-back, adult, second (third/fourth/WHATEVER) time-around patient, appreciative love. It should be the other way around but it isn't and maybe that's why we're still going strong.

Today? My t-shirt reads Polyfabulous. It was a gift.