Friday, 13 December 2013

Drifting on a tidal wave.

Trying hard to speak and
Fighting with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
It's all part of the plan
When something is broken
and you try to fix it
Trying to repair it anyway you can
At a family meeting this morning everyone was reminded that this was an accident and nothing more. If it's anyone's fault it's mine for being distracted/angry/overtired/combatant/uncoordinated and somewhat complacent in assuming that since I can walk a tightrope with multiple distractions (crowd + fire) that I can easily navigate a set of icy steps without a safety line.

That was different. I was half the age I am now but do they recognize that? Of course not.

After the meeting I stuck the pencil back between my teeth and rocked just a little because wow, this really hurts. But what hurt more was trying to watch Lochlan step in and take charge in a way I've always wished he would instead of the way that he did.

His first task was to brush my teeth because I couldn't seem to do much of anything. In addition to breaking my right arm, my left hand was also badly scraped and is missing most of the skin that generally covers it. Air burns. Toothpaste really burns. Trying to make a fist is impossible and so he helped me up onto the counter and he bent over so his eyes were level with mine and then he started making excuses. What should have been a three-minute task became a watershed as he suddenly lost his nerve. So much for wishes.

I can't do this. I'm not worthy of it. I couldn't keep you safe. 

Hey. It's just some teeth. So I don't give you my baby dragon breath kisses. 

Why is it so easy for everyone else? I'm afraid to even be here. 

Lochlan? Hey, where'd you go? It's okay. Please help me with this and then we'll go down and bug TJ. 

Dalton can do this, I bet. I'll go get him. Stay here. 

Please, Locket. 

He stared at me. Bridgie, I'm not good at this. 

You will be, the more you do it. 

Maybe Ben should be here. 

If he wanted to be he would have made that choice. You're here. Own it. YOLO the fuck up. 

You didn't say YOLO to me again, did you?

I did. Brush my teeth please. It's not something anyone else should do. Let's just cover one thing at a time. In a day or two I should be back to one hundred percent. 

You've almost got me convinced except I don't think it will be a day or two. 

Okay, a week or two. 

A month or two. 

In a minute I'm going to ask Dalton to do it because you're not making me feel any better.

I'm sorry, Peanut. It's hard to see you like this. 

I'm just glad I didn't land on my face. At least I can still charm you all with my looks. 

Oh, you're not roping us in with your charm. It's pity, you little freak. 

Nice. Shut up and brush or I'll melt your curls with my breath.

I'm teasing, Bridge! It's charm all the way. If you don't know that by now, then there's no hope for you. 

That's what I suspect. Last time I checked I could balance on a wire but a staircase is just too hard? 

Hey. Shit happens. 

Yeah, it does, doesn't it, Locket? What a telling commiseration. I stare at him.

He just frowned at me mildly and told me to stop talking so he could do a good job.