It was mechanical. Wooden and resigned.
The envelope came on Thursday evening. Not the red one I was expecting for notes on some changes to the health plan but the dreaded dark silver instead. The request for my company, as if inside might be a million dollars and I am the commodity traded publicly for a song few can sing.
I didn't open it. I just left it by the door and I went upstairs and began to dress. Stockings. Stilettos. One of his dresses. Hair up so he can take it down. No jewelry. None at all. The inside of my brain is jello. Alternating the current of thrill with the dread of knowing it could always be the last trip because I stand as the last living witness to his transformation into a monster. I was there, you see? It's my fault.
I turn around to inspect the seams on my stockings and Ben is in the doorway, holding the envelope.
Deja you, princess.
Deja yourself. You ready?
I'm not invited and you're not going.
What do you mean?
The invitation is for you and Lochlan. He knows, princess. He knows we let him back in. You can't go.
I have to, Ben.
We'll figure out something else.
Something else? We've had a quarter of a century to do that. Nothing works. It just makes everything more difficult if I fight it.
Bridget, I haven't had a quarter century to fight it. Lochlan hasn't tried to do anything.
He created this.
I wave my hands around to indicate my life. Panic is rising like bile now. I feel like I'm choking, drowning. I have already switched into Cole-mode now and there's no going back.
Guilt, Bridget. He feels guilty. And the first minute he thinks you're safe he vanishes. What kind of love is that?
I don't know, Ben. I don't know anything anymore.
Me neither but I know this is wrong and I know I'm not going to let you go.
You new guys are so noble.
A condescending voice from behind Ben in the hallway made us both jump. Timed perfectly to arrive in his little 350z to take me away to the dungeon in the sky as soon as I would have had time to prepare after receiving the envelope had I not been ambushed.
Always wanting to rescue little Bridget. Always pointing out everything that is wrong with her. Giving in to so many of her whims and then acting outraged when she won't stop. When you have enough and she still won't stop.
She stops today. Ben says it so softly, I'm still not a hundred percent sure that's what he said.
You know what happened to the last man who tried to keep me from seeing her, don't you? Or have you holed up with your guitar and your bottle so long you don't remember things quite so clearly anymore, Benny? Do you think he left her on purpose? Anyone can be bought. Anyone. Don't make me have to buy you. I've left you in this position because you're not a threat to me. Don't make me change my mind.
In that split second I made a choice to believe that he was lying. Protect thyself. Oh to hell with it.
I walked over to Caleb. Slowly. Heart thumping so loud my gait is wobbly in those stupid shoes. He smiles at me. Victorious.
Or not.
I slapped him.
Hard.
I came up again, going for more but he grabbed my wrist and squeezed until my bones grated but I didn't cry out because my insides had turned to dust from the doubt creeping back in.
Caleb paid Jake to go and he changed his mind and couldn't live with the guilt.
It all makes sense now. All of it. Every last thing. Every last measure of confusion blown away leaving one final secret. Caleb's.
I waited for him to relax his hold. It took a while. We had a staredown. One that's been twenty-seven years in the making.
There's no statute of limitations on what you did.
There isn't one on Lochlan either. If I go down, so does he, and then you'd be without your fucking Siamese twin. Ben would be wise to encourage you to rat everyone out but at this point they are all so afraid of your head that the status-quo, ticking-time-bomb fragile princess everyone can get a piece of seems like a safer bet, don't you think?
He dropped my wrist and walked out and within the space of a minute I heard the car start up and he drove away.
