I am:
- exhausted.
- covered with paint.
- aching and in pain.
- missing Ben so badly I burst into tears every ten minutes.
- sick of planning life around dog walks.
- starting to clean rooms, windows and light fixtures.
- jealous that other people aren't going through this.
- worried about how long it will take the house to sell.
- frustrated with phone calls that I don't have time to answer.
- forgetful as always.
- afraid of the dark.
- unshowered today, and I don't know how that happened.
I won't:
- give up.
- stop moving.
- pretend everything is okay when it isn't.
- stop worrying until it's over.
- be okay.
- quit.
- stay up all night, just very very late until it's safe to go to sleep.
- let tomorrow go by without getting that shower.
- let everybody down.
That last one, that seems to be key. I don't know if I'm succeeding or not but I'm still trying. I'm just really sore, incredibly discouraged, and completely overwhelmed. So if you want to put aside your derision and just have a little ounce of understanding, I am going to put my head down for just a little while and cry.
