Sunday night I opted to surprise Jacob instead of the other way around. Payback for some of his romantic efforts of late. Retribution for some of the heartache I have caused him lately. It's been 170 days since our tiny little surprise wedding and we like to mark the milestones, however quirky and nonsensical they may be.
I took him night skating on the river. After the kids were in bed and the sitter was settled in, we grabbed our skates and headed down to the river, where there are plowed trails, lit with lampposts, with hot chocolate stations and warming cabins every half a kilometre or so, and very few people out on a Sunday night after 8 pm.
We were off, out and free in the exhilarating night air.
The evening sky was a beautiful shade of teal, with a sliver of a silver moon and Jupiter visible just below it, the brightest star. The wind was calm and the air was brisk but not as cold as I expected it to be, allowing for rosy cheeks but no frostbite.
We trundled down the steps and onto the ice, making our way to a cabin with a fireplace, where we laced on our skates and put on mittens, and then Jacob took my hand and we glided off down the path. It was so still and so silent, one of those nights when your eyes take in the entire sky and you feel more alive than you've ever felt before. We didn't skate fast, just briskly enough to cover several quiet miles before stopping to buy steaming cups of hot chocolate at a stand a little off the beaten path. We sat by the fire and sipped the chocolate and talked a little bit. Mostly about the week to come, purposely avoiding any heavy subjects that might cast a pall over such a luminous night. When we finished we resumed our skate, turning to go back the way we came. Jacob showed off just a little, skating circles around me and then coming in fast and lifting me off my feet and I was howling that if he let me fall he would be in trouble. We danced on the ice for a moment and then tripped and almost went down but were saved at the last moment by a well-placed light post.
And then we just stopped and stood with our arms around each other. My cheek pressed against the cool boiled wool of his old pea coat, his arms tight around me, a weird thrilling feeling in the cold, dark quiet of the river trail. We were finished skating for the night.
Hand in hand we found our way back to the steps and our boots and we took off our skates, cheeks flushed and fingers icy and stinging, and we returned to the truck.
Once inside and warm, Jacob drove home slowly, the roads were slippery and it was hard to see.
I wish we could do this every night.
Be together?
Yeah, and glide across the ice with Jupiter over our heads.
That was a nice touch, princess.
Thanks, took years to coordinate that special ambiance.
I can imagine.
So you really had fun with me, Jake?
So much that I think we should make it a weekly thing.
But?
But?
I hear a 'but' in there.
I feel like it's the calm before the storm. Like we're very good at all the remarkable moments and unable to keep the momentum through the unremarkable ones.
Stop. Don't ruin this.
We drop it every time.
Because it's too hard.
Then how do we get through the in-between times?
We try harder.
I thought we were, Bridge. I thought we were all about getting it right this time around. Why is this so tough?
Because we had lives and we pushed them aside. We were selfish.
We weren't selfish! Christ, we waited forever.
Maybe we were selfish in that we built lives knowing we weren't in the right places and we did it anyways, trying to have it all.
Or maybe we just need to try harder.
Then that's what we'll do.
Can we?
We can. I can. I will, anyway.
Did I ever tell you I love you?
Not within the past ten minutes.
I love you.
Thank heavens, I was starting to wonder. I love you too.
You'd better. I think trying to find a third wife to make up for the first two would be a real pain in the ass right now.
Did I mention you suck?
Jupiter took your words, didn't he?
He did, be jealous.
Eh, he can have you.
Suck, Jacob. You suck.
Can't carry on a conversation with you anyway. What good are you?
Oh, I have my moments.
With us, goofy talk usually leads to flirting, which leads to kissing, which leads to getting the babysitter safely home and then it leads to a lapdance, which leads to making love in a chair in which Bridget can do nothing except hold on, Jacob has to do all the work and so he leads. And it works and we don't fight and we don't struggle and it doesn't turn into something bad. And it was a most wonderful way to mark 170 days with my husband.
