Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoesTell myself it's time now gotta let goBut moving on from him is impossibleWhen I still see it all in my headIn burning red
I'm sorry for my absence and even sorrier you didn't have access to the archives. We went to Burning Man and also had a nice vacation before and after it, because it wasn't all it should have been. This was my do-over year and it sucked worse! And I lasted two days again!
And I'm never going back but this time it was more luxury, less lung infection, and still it was so awful. We flew out before I even figured out where everything was. We flew out before I even ran out of clothes. We flew out before I had time to inhale enough playa dust to wind up in the hospital and let's face it, no one wanted me to be there in the first place but Lochlan also loves to spoil me rotten while he stands patiently off to one side and then says I told you so and I hate that but also I love it.
While I was gone, Caleb deleted all my shit after hacking into my gmail. I got a bunch of emails and one of them actually was kind enough to point out the blog was gone. The rest were asking me if I was okay and I didn't know why. Of course I'm okay. I keep on clanging through the days, tripping over memories and skipping through mud puddles.
I just happen to have an in-house Devil who has had it in for me since 1979.
I mean, don't we all?
What do you mean you don't?
In any case, we are home and unpacked and caught up and I went today and got groceries and gas and did my banking and put away the suitcases. Well, I didn't. PJ put them up in the attic down at the sunny end where the tiny window is. He promised he left them all unzipped and with a fresh dryer sheet in each.
It makes a difference.
But I had a hot vacation, a dirty vacation and then a mountain vacation and I am set for the winter now. We got out and back with some good weather to spare and I didn't sleep but I did laugh a lot and eat a lot and I feel pretty good going into fall here. With the blog. With the Devil. With August still doing check-ins. With these two stranger-cats and Benjamin the big jovial giant.
With myself, in my own skin, comfortable.
I negotiated a bunch of deals. I shaved my head. I did not kayak even once this year. I didn't buy any pumpkins or grow any either. I navigated some long roads and I didn't sleep at all. I cat-nap now. Today I've got everything prepped and I've put on Taylor Swift and am making hot chocolate and it's about to rain.
It won't be a month plus this time. I know I say that every time but a new season means a new routine and I think I do better when I write.