Sorry, I spent all day waiting for the postman and then all afternoon decking out my twelve-year-old pressure washer with a new pressure hose and tips and a cord because I have maintained it and looked after it well but it is also as big as I am and so sometimes it got cranked around and bashed up as I tried to wrestle it around things and over things and down the path, as it were. It conked out a quarter of the way into my spring cleaning last month and so I ordered parts and sat back to wait and hopefully I put them on right (after fifteen minutes of swearing) and now I have to wait for a boy to carry it outside for me so I can test my connections, lest the whole thing blow up the minute I pull the trigger. It is a dream machine and so I'm not giving it up anytime soon but I do think keeping it in the garage is a better idea than keeping it in the appliance room in the house. That's just dumb because it's in the lowest level so you have to lug it up the stairs, down the hall, across a porch, patio or walkway and down more steps. I can't do this myself, why can't I just wheel it out from the garage?
Because, says PJ, who lost a lot of gear by keeping it in his truck/garage/shed and so now everything of value comes in. Power tools in the work room. Also downstairs. The only thing in the garage are Jeeps, freezers and plant pots and cheap stuff. Fertilizer. Bags of soil and grass seed and shovels and acoustic garden implements because they are too dirty to bring in. The two lawnmowers are out there but the weed wackers come into the house. So dumb.
We're dumb. This is dumb. If I can't lift it let me roll it.
(Now I have Wings going through my head: Let me roll it to you)
I ordered more things for the wedding. We are quickly running out of time but the dress is back and it fits Ruth like a dream. She had her last fitting last week and then we went to Marshalls where I wanted to buy everything but as usual bought nothing. They had Longchamp, Gucci and Valentino bags. They had so many pretty things. I couldn't do it. Hahahaha. Ruth went nuts and bought a few summer dresses and I just watched and poked around. Maybe I'll go back. Maybe I won't. Who knows?
I watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre last night too. Couldn't sleep so I sat up between the boys with my ipad and my airpods and I tried not to jump too much when I got scared but really, and since it's been out for a good long while now, would someone please tell me why Hardesty automatically went to the orphanage AKA Mom's house when last we saw Leatherface he was outside on the street? Also why a direct rip of Laurie Strode and Michael Myers multi-decade delayed showdown? Why a shotgun that can hold a whopping two shells? Why why why? Why in the hell were people so goddamned dumb and why was the guy with the truck so smart and then also so dumb? Why does everything end in a fistfight? Why did the killing start in seconds with nary a hint of inbreeding or lore or anything substantial before they phoned it in with 'naive influencers show up to party wooo!'. Maybe I'm getting old.
The one saving grace? Leatherfuck (as coined by the only smart-ish character there) has learned to throw his chainsaw like a discus. Not sure why it stays on, as the safety trigger means if you let go it turns off but his is SURPRISINGLY UNSAFE and the chain continues to turn as he whips it fifty feet across the room at our poor hapless victims.
Gawd.
The last good one was the one with Jessica Biel. TWENTY YEARS AGO.