Oh God, I'm ordering champagne and some assorted necessary supplies for a party here, just before Christmas and maybe all through and after it too, possibly spilling into 2022 because we deserve a clean slate with nothing already written on it, crossed out, hastily erased and covered with scratch marks.
Glossy, shiny and new.
We are throwing a joint party this year for Ben's birthday and Andrew and Christian's anniversary. Ben will be fifty-three, Andy and Chris? Married three years. Makes it easy to keep track, if you ask me and no, none of them are having champagne. That's for me because I find it physically painful and somewhat exhausting to plan parties.
It was Ben's idea, Ben who never liked to be written about and no longer wants to be the centre of attention, having turned from a brash ego-driven bull in a china shop into a humble, exceedingly thoughtful young man who can dial in a room with a word, for it will be so softly spoken. Who might never take the stage again but will send you a recording for your song (and thank you for thinking of him). Who wants to celebrate love all the time and puts no hierarchy on us anymore, even as we try and hold it up for ourselves.
Who went with me all over town today, while I tackled my big list of errands, things I needed to get but never bothered to tackle but yet another state of emergency has weirded me out so I gassed up the jeeps, got the pets caught up on food supplies and stopped to see Ruth. I did some banking and bought my mother's Christmas gift and some art prints from a local artist here in the neighborhood and then we brought home a surprise lunch for everyone. He helped me check the attic and put out the bird feeders (I got sad looking at the birds in everyone else's yard.) and we sorted recycling and then he painted my nails while I showed him tiktoks.
And he laughed a pure Ben-laugh every time.
He let me paint his nails to match and we did our household chores together.
It was a really good day. I think the party will be pretty low key. My only thought is to fill the hot tub with melted brie and get a breadstick as tall as I am and eat my way through the new year.
Ben thinks this is a fine idea.