I know it's early but I am busy negotiating the largest Christmas bonus of my young life (you don't even want to GUESS).
No, not for me. For Asher. Who leaves tomorrow. He isn't coming back. Well, I mean he might come and visit us as he visits Batman every couple of years, but I suppose that depends on if he actually gets out of here unscathed. The night is still young and the upheaval is like a roiling sea. Just when you think it's going to grow calm the tide comes in and it just ends up deeper still, and I want to make sure this seafarer finds his next port with his pockets already lined with gold.
It was a good six months and Asher did an incredible, thoughtful and intuitive job. He gets glowing references and a fistful of networking leads and he always and forever has Batman as his doting Godfather so honestly he won't twist in the wind for too long, unless he wants to.
But PJ wanted the job. Here we thought we were doing PJ a favour, giving him a break from the heavy lifting after twenty-odd years of being the closest thing to a mother Ruth and Henry had after me. He was Dad, maybe. Backup but in-charge. On it. He worked his ass off looking after them and with Ruth moved out and on her own now and Henry with a few months of university left we really thought he would like living on his own terms.
Lo and behold, he did not. In fact, he hated it but Padraig has always been a giant nurturer, a huge teddy bear, a solid gold (t)hug. The original Hunkle. He needs to look after people. He needs to be needed. And he's been resentful and angry ever since the rest of them steamrolled him with this new (not new, he's been around for a decade) purpose-driven man when PJ could handle it (me) all along.
PJ found unlikely allies in Caleb and Duncan who both moved in and became a living, breathing, bearded bulldozer to gently push Asher out. We had a family meeting and after I was for some reason congratulated for not losing too much of my shit this year (drinking) and bouncing back so fast (drugs) everyone graciously agreed that after a good trial period Asher can be freed up for greener, less incestuous pastures and PJ can breathe a sigh of relief and take back control of the house.
***
What's interesting here is that we were all so concerned with PJ's swallowed feelings that no one thought to ask me what I wanted, as I actually tend to defer to the boys on damn near everything so it's not like we forgot, it's just something we don't do when it comes to their strong opinions.
And I suddenly had the realization that I just gave up some of the control I got back when Asher arrived, even if it was only on paper and not even true. A little false-independence gets reeled back in. The world gets a little more smaller and a lot more regimented and I had a moment where I was almost mildly disappointed, if I can even call it that.
I'm not explaining it properly.
I don't think that I can call it disappointment. I love PJ to absolute bits but I still feel like it's a step backwards for me. He gets his role, his command, his status back. His ego. His satisfaction. His occasional night back. His place as that fucking pain in the ass but he makes her happy so leave it designation. His rules. His plans and his routine. His rule.
He has a third of my guardianship so it makes sense and it's also a huge conflict of interest but then again everything around here is. That's part and parcel of who we are.
We already had an argument. It remains unresolved.
This is actually great. He's very lucky I love him so much or I think I'd send him out to sea.