I broke all my nails trying to flatten all of the stupid cardboard boxes they (meaning NOT ME) throw into the garage to keep 'just in case' when they order things and now I'm in a bad fucking mood. I didn't have enough sleep, got a little or maybe a lot overwhelmed and Lochlan asked me how I was doing and I bit my tongue and said fine.
Practically with steam pouring out of my ears.
Want to talk about it? He asks quietly. Lochlan is trying to learn to help me in place of the others. I am still loathe to let him. Not because I don't want to but because I can't.
It's like little things are snowballing and I can't hold it together and I'm getting so angry lately over things that didn't use to bother me.
It's because of the added stress of the quarantine and the scariness of going out and running what are supposed to be mundane errands and trying to get what you want done with all that extra weight of the world.
Is it?
I feel like it might be.
Oh. Okay so I need to just distract and just go and do things and hopefully it will get better.
Henry took me to the grocery store to pick up a few things.
When I came home I had a shot of vodka and a chocolate bar. I read a book for a few moments and I'm going to paint my nails and maybe shave my head. I got a cascade of emails this afternoon telling me the dentist and eye doctor are opening back up, Ruth goes back to work on Monday, our favorite restaurants and parks flung open their doors this week and I want to run and hide. Not because I'm afraid of some virus but because I really embraced this lockdown hard. The only part I ever minded was the fear, as always.
And now it's almost over but I think it should continue. Just a little while longer. Just to be safe.