When I wake up everyone is gone and Jake is kneeling by the edge of the bed praying. Arms covering his beautiful blonde waves as he always prayed, as if bombs were falling from the sky.
They are, he would laugh. Psychic bombs. Bombs of doubt, of hesitation, bombs of denial.
He looks up when I touch his head and he goes out of focus straight away, as I haven't been this close to him in months, years, maybe. Tears flow down the side of my face into my hair. He wipes them away and smiles at me gently. I can see right through his face.
Don't wear the ring, Princess. His voice. I can feel it in my blood, the deep bass pumping with each heart beat.
I don't want to. I feel like they're forcing me to.
Do you want me to go to them?
You can do that?
Yes. It just takes a lot of energy so I prefer to visit you instead. I don't know if it's finite.
It isn't, Jake, you've been gone so long.
This is my fault. Ghosts have remorse. Film at eleven.
It is.
You would have left me for Loch anyway.
Probably. But you'd still be here.
Yes. Like the rest.
Then come back.
I can't, Baby. But I can help protect you from Caleb.
He's not going to hurt me.
He's still fucking with you. Why not ask him if he cares so much about you now to prove it and eliminate the ring from your current stresses.
Oh. I didn't think of that.
It blows my mind that no one suggested that.
See? We need you and you checked the fuck out.
Bridget, I-
Just go away, Pooh. I hate myself for saying it and when I open my eyes again he's gone and Lochlan is standing there.
I was coming to wake you up for brunch and you were talking in your sleep. Quite lucidly, actually.
Jake was here. Or he was you. Or maybe he's shapeshifting to stick around. I don't know. I don't want to wake up now.
I close my eyes and turn away. I hear Lochlan leave after a minute and I press my fists against my chest, hunching down into a ball. It hurts so bad.
***
When I woke up again everyone was out and instead of catching up with them for church I decided to go to hell instead. Caleb is having a slow morning too, shirt half-buttoned, bare feet, dress pants, no Breitling, no tie, uncombed wet hair. When I see him the tears start before the words and his eyes cloud over with concern.
What is it, Neamhchiontach.
And I tell him. I tell him if he loves me and he wants to be a part of my life then he needs to not pull stunts and force me to do things like wear jewelry that I don't even trust fully. That if he's changed and he's trying then he needs to remove as much stress from this relationship as he can, not add to it.
He is rocked backwards, his eyes welling up too. I didn't mean to hurt you with this. I wanted it to be something that reassured you.
It doesn't! It scares me and you just keep strongarming me. This isn't how it's done!
He goes and sits on the edge of the big chair, hands pressed together at his mouth. I'm so sorry, Bridget.
Take it back, have it undone. I'm not wearing it.
He stands up and comes to me, pulling the ring off my finger, putting it in his pocket, kissing me hard.
I'm sorry, he says again, and I can barely hear him now. And he kisses the top of my head and shoves me out the door before I can absorb his disappointment or risk his change of heart.
They are, he would laugh. Psychic bombs. Bombs of doubt, of hesitation, bombs of denial.
He looks up when I touch his head and he goes out of focus straight away, as I haven't been this close to him in months, years, maybe. Tears flow down the side of my face into my hair. He wipes them away and smiles at me gently. I can see right through his face.
Don't wear the ring, Princess. His voice. I can feel it in my blood, the deep bass pumping with each heart beat.
I don't want to. I feel like they're forcing me to.
Do you want me to go to them?
You can do that?
Yes. It just takes a lot of energy so I prefer to visit you instead. I don't know if it's finite.
It isn't, Jake, you've been gone so long.
This is my fault. Ghosts have remorse. Film at eleven.
It is.
You would have left me for Loch anyway.
Probably. But you'd still be here.
Yes. Like the rest.
Then come back.
I can't, Baby. But I can help protect you from Caleb.
He's not going to hurt me.
He's still fucking with you. Why not ask him if he cares so much about you now to prove it and eliminate the ring from your current stresses.
Oh. I didn't think of that.
It blows my mind that no one suggested that.
See? We need you and you checked the fuck out.
Bridget, I-
Just go away, Pooh. I hate myself for saying it and when I open my eyes again he's gone and Lochlan is standing there.
I was coming to wake you up for brunch and you were talking in your sleep. Quite lucidly, actually.
Jake was here. Or he was you. Or maybe he's shapeshifting to stick around. I don't know. I don't want to wake up now.
I close my eyes and turn away. I hear Lochlan leave after a minute and I press my fists against my chest, hunching down into a ball. It hurts so bad.
***
When I woke up again everyone was out and instead of catching up with them for church I decided to go to hell instead. Caleb is having a slow morning too, shirt half-buttoned, bare feet, dress pants, no Breitling, no tie, uncombed wet hair. When I see him the tears start before the words and his eyes cloud over with concern.
What is it, Neamhchiontach.
And I tell him. I tell him if he loves me and he wants to be a part of my life then he needs to not pull stunts and force me to do things like wear jewelry that I don't even trust fully. That if he's changed and he's trying then he needs to remove as much stress from this relationship as he can, not add to it.
He is rocked backwards, his eyes welling up too. I didn't mean to hurt you with this. I wanted it to be something that reassured you.
It doesn't! It scares me and you just keep strongarming me. This isn't how it's done!
He goes and sits on the edge of the big chair, hands pressed together at his mouth. I'm so sorry, Bridget.
Take it back, have it undone. I'm not wearing it.
He stands up and comes to me, pulling the ring off my finger, putting it in his pocket, kissing me hard.
I'm sorry, he says again, and I can barely hear him now. And he kisses the top of my head and shoves me out the door before I can absorb his disappointment or risk his change of heart.