The irony in knowing I felt the same way about him, that he felt whole right up until I found out he was gone leaves me ignoring his questions as I fight instead with the tears. He's not going to get the better of me now. I've come too far.
Did you know Sam is just trying to help out? They're trying to claw up as much of you as they can, because it means less of you for Caleb. I thought you weren't naive about this but I was wrong. Hope they enjoy their tiny pieces of you.
His bitterness (he never liked Caleb OR Loch) wakes me up abruptly and I force myself more tightly against August, who sleeps easily, propped up on pillows, clutching me gently as the bed sways from where the ghost got up and walked away. When I press into him his arms tighten and he wakes up, his voice raw and thick.
S'wrong.
Bad dream.
'Bout?
Jake.
What'd he do? August asks quietly.
He's angry about Sam. He thinks Lochlan recruited Sam to keep me from Caleb.
August opens his eyes and rolls them comically.
I don't think Lochlan is smart enough for that. Besides, the timing is fucked on it.
I'll tell him you said that.
Please do. Think about this. If he was, it could backfire just as easily. I still think he's-they are-, hell, we all are-only trying to make you happy. Besides, you can't subdivide human emotion. But you can explore dissenting voices from a source you use as a sounding b-
Isn't that what you're all trying to do now? Subdivide me?
No, Bridget. We're not. Get some sleep. I'll keep the dreams away. And he closes his eyes again while the bed swings gently. He falls asleep mid-shhhhhhh against my forehead, and I fight brief panic, feeling out his heartbeat over my own, using it to lull myself to sleep again too.
It works.
No dreams this time and when I wake up August is gone and there's a note on the table.
Taking Sam for lunch to talk. Stay here til I get back.
-X A