He's been working out the piano to Bridge over Troubled Waters this morning. I'm in tears. It just moves me. No other reason but that. Sometimes music does that. His voice is perfect for it. Lochlan has a soft small range to work with and mostly sings falsetto. Higher than most. Accent fumbling through the sounds. It's beautiful. It's the perfect opposite to Ben.
Like everything, I suppose.
Last night Loch had just grabbed me up to himself, remarking not kindly that he hasn't seen me in days and maybe I should take a break and then Caleb rang around and he had a point and the timing was terrible but we went over anyway. Just a nightcap. See where it goes. Lies. Promises. Despair disguised as impatience. The night grew long, the glasses emptied and Lochlan put his head down in his hands and prayed to God to save him. The whole thing just ground to a halt. Caleb tried his best to fix it but it wasn't being fixed on that night so we left, maybe with all three of us in tears at some point but it was a good thing we stopped when we did because he was losing his mind and Caleb was losing his control and I was uncomfortable and out of place, feeding off their tension. Torn between my fierce loyalty to Lochlan and whatever the fuck this other thing is becoming.
We came home and had incredibly angry desperate love, Lochlan yelling at Ben to just stay out, Jesus, just cut him a break here. It wasn't fair or nice and he made his amends this morning after fixing our broken love last night. He voiced his doubts, we counted up fears and concerns and then we invited the devil here instead. Tomorrow (Saturday evening). We'll start over starting over. Over again. We'll get it right. We'll sort it all out.
If we don't we will chip away at it until we do. It's an unfinished masterpiece, my heart. It needs a lot of work yet.
