You're the love that I hateStarset fans, it's your day.
You're the drug that I take
Will you cage me?
Will you cage me?
You're the pulse in my veins
You're the war that I wage
Can you change me?
Can you change me?
From the monster you made me?
The monster you made me?
New music is the best music. Monster is a little bit catchy, a little bit poignant and a surprisingly whole lotta dancey. Which isn't something I'd equate with cinematic space rock but it works. And I love it.
Album soon.
***
When I went upstairs last night Lochlan was lying on the bed reading, his giant iPad braced against his knees, pencil in hand. Jeans unbuckled, shirt unbuttoned all the way to the bottom. Glasses on. Hair wild. Drink on the bedside table. Lamps on low, fire in the fireplace.
It's almost as if you were waiting for me.
I was.
I smile. Moments of complete peace are so rare. He sits up, picking up the glass. We can share, he says.
I walk to the edge of the bed and stand between his knees as he feeds me a sip and then undoes the buttons on my clothes. Slowly. He's watching me, noting as my mouth opens slightly as his warm hands reach skin.
Bridget, I just want what's best for you.
Almost kills the mood right there. What is that?
Happiness. I'm trying to follow in everyone's footsteps when I should have been leading the way. I'm playing catch up here when I don't even know how I fell behind. It won't happen again.
I know. He puts his arms around me, pulling me in close against him. I lean in hard and he lies back, feet still on the floor. He rolls over and pulls me up underneath him, pulling my legs up around him, pushing me down, letting me fight just a little while he smiles through his whiskey and then we're on muscle memory, letting history show us how to touch each other.
He pulled me up hard over him at one point and left me there in Lochlan Magic Outer Space and wouldn't let me down until I shivered and shuddered from his touch. Then he started all over again. It wasn't until hours later that he finally allowed himself to let go, tremors wracking him. He let out a soft groan against my ear and then I was asleep within seconds, held tight against him, his breathing slowing now and even against my forehead.
Perfect.
This morning I couldn't lift my arms, had no sugar left in my blood and zero energy left with which to stand up, let alone be as productive as I usually am first thing.
So stay here, he smiles at me, pulling me in closer still until we are pressed together under a mountain of quilts and hours spent just like this but for the sake of being warm. I am trapped. Ben has one hand wrapped around my leg. I don't even know when he got here, I just know that I want to stay here for as long as I can.
Back to sleep, Peanut, Lochlan whispers into the top of my head as I close my eyes again. Just for a little while.