Figment/fragment.

Last night I sent Caleb an email with Henry's schedule for next week, figuring he would maybe read it on the plane today but he replied ten seconds later by message. The email detailed which days are strike days and he said I should have allowed him to put them in private school and they wouldn't be forced to be pawns in the public school system. Then he told me I was required to be present when he arrives tonight. Present means not out or otherwise engaged. Yes sir, I replied.

I refused to sleep in the camper last night on account of the fact that it was freezing cold out there (no heat) and I woke up this morning missing Ben like someone had cut off my leg. Loch got crappy right back and said he missed life before I came along, when he didn't worry constantly, when he had best friends instead of being the outsider, when he was the centre of attention. Then he sat back and said Yes, the centre of attention. I miss being that. You took it. 

Then go back to the show. I snapped it. I'm tired.

I would but I can't now. His voice was ragged, exhausted. We fight too much.

I snapped at Duncan, who won't put down his pitchfork on account of Caleb coming back and he asked what he was supposed to do here exactly? I don't know! I shouted in his face and he made a grab for me as I ducked and ran away.

Ben called and yelled at me to stay away from Caleb tonight when Caleb does come back.  PJ yelled at me for not eating my breakfast.  Ruth stomped out when I told her to take her backpack instead of trying to balance her phone/umbrella/textbooks/lunch/purse in the pouring rain. Caleb drives her when it rains. I don't.

I went out to the wall but Jacob wasn't there. I checked the garage but he wasn't there either. Just Cole and Joel, only Joel didn't know Cole was standing right behind him and I took one look and decided I didn't have the strength for either one of them today so I came back inside and climbed stepladders, taking down the curtains in the living room for their annual spring cleaning.

The curtains came out of the washing machine shredded and at least a full foot shorter than they were when they went in. I thought I had put them in on cold but someone used the washer overnight and left it on hot. They were custom sized draperies and now they're garbage and I have to start over.

The dog barfed on the kitchen floor.

And I am done for the day. I'm going to sack out on the couch with Sam (who is still sort-of speaking to me) and watch Ruby Sparks again and dream of a world where I can write the perfect boy the way they all want the perfect girl. Because I keep making bits and pieces but they won't stick to each other to make a whole one. That's probably exactly how they feel about me.

Ruby: Were you disappointed when you got to know me?

Calvin: How can you ask that?

Ruby: I'm such a mess.

Calvin: I love your mess.