I will survive cause I want moreThe envelope arrived this morning by courier. White Canada Post, so I opened it right away, standing in the front hall in my pajama pants and a baby-pink tank top. A printed email fell out, folded and taped to a pewter envelope with nothing written on the front. I frown. He's just not going to dry up and blow away. I look at the email first. It's a directive from his lawyer, pointing out an option to have my lawyer direct me to visit with Caleb if I won't abide by the rules of our custody arrangement. I roll my eyes. This has nothing to do with Henry. I can email my costs for Henry's spring pictures and new clothes to Caleb. He's just decided to make things difficult because he misses me. Or something. Maybe the Devil is hungry for another soul. God only knows, he likes to lick mine and taste his future.
And I will create a bigger war
Then I will rule over and give you hell
And then you will do as I command
Cause I will be here when you are gone
Yeah I'll still be here when you are gone
Curiosity (killed the princess) leads me to open the pewter-colored envelope as well. It's on his monogrammed letterhead. Two words, handwritten in his modern scrawl.
Bridget - please.
I sigh. It's going to be a long day.
I head upstairs to get ready. I am so tired. I need some coffee. I need breakfast. I shower and grab a black dress from the closet without looking. I zip myself in, carry my high heels downstairs and put them on by the back door. I grab the envelope of receipts and my phone from the counter and head outside. It's raining. Great. My hair curls as I cross the driveway and by the time I knock on the glass door of the boathouse I feel like wilted lettuce at the grocery store.
Caleb opens the door quickly and I give him my look. The look that says I know what you're up to and I don't want to be here.
Notice I didn't actually choose to involve the courts, Bridget.
The effect is the same. What do you need? I take several steps into the room as he closes the door behind me. I drop the envelopes on the counter and weigh them down with my phone.
He comes up behind me and puts his hand around my neck, pulling me close against him. You. I need you, he whispers.
I reach out and pick up my phone and turn at the same time. He is smiling. It's not a hopeful smile. It's one of those lie-smiles, where he decides for both of us whether this will be easy or difficult.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, princess.
You know, I haven't found that. Strange, isn't it?
He picks up my hand and shakes the phone out of it. He counts my rings. There it is. An extra. Are you ready to explain why you're wearing a ring from Lochlan?
No? Last time I checked I didn't have to get your permission to accessorize.
How quickly you've forgotten.
I'm not playing your game anymore, Caleb.
Sure you are, this is just one of those times where I have backed off in order to see what you do.
And what did I do?
You got closer to that fucking redheaded freak again. But where is he today, Bridget?
He headed out early this morning for a short trip. I frown. I don't need this shoved down my throat.
What do you suppose your husband said to him to make him agree to leave you here alone in the company of wolves? What do you think Ben would have to accomplish to make Lochlan leave, just as things were getting interesting around here?
Ben had nothing to do with this. Loch is going to see his father. It doesn't happen often but it was a good time for him to go. Who am I convincing? I sound doubtful to my own ears.
Is that what you think happened? He laughs. You might want to take a good hard look at your husband's attempts to suddenly set rules for you. Do you feel like you're back to obeying someone? That you're taking orders? He moves in closer and brings his hands up to my face so I can't focus on anything but him. Do you think at last the big beast is trying to rein you in just as you were finally settling into a pattern? My brain is hurting so badly. Still no coffee, and Caleb is trying to make me think about things I've been pushing away lately because it's too disturbing a place to go. You always submit so willingly to authority. It's so beautiful.
He runs his thumb across the center of my bottom lip and I suddenly bare my teeth and give him a shove. Ben doesn't do that. Stop it!
He decides releasing me is best and heads around to the other side of the kitchen, turning on the coffeemaker and giving me a generous smile. You might want to think about that, Bridget. And also? That beautiful new dress you're wearing? He's going to be angry when he learns you wore it for me.
As I'm walking out the door, he calls to me. You always pick the hard road, princess. You should really do something about that. My offer still stands, whenever you're ready. As long as it takes, I will wait for you.