How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
I knew this day was coming for a while. He tried to make it a soft landing, a near impossibility under the circumstances.
Loch is moving away.
He's only been here for almost three years, Cole hired him to come out and help oversee a big project and Loch did the bulk of the traveling within Canada, doing such a great job he went and got a better one, in Toronto. He leaves on November 9. He'll only be coming back out this way for personal travel which means we probably won't see him more than a few times a year from now on, if that. I won't count on it.
My god, I'm going to miss him so. He's amazing. Steadfast and caring and still highly opinionated. Everyone listens to Loch. He's a lot like Jake.
Which makes sense, because Loch was my first real boyfriend. Not as weird as it seems, believe me. We dated when I was possibly too young. He took me to the drive-in one September before it closed for the season and took my virginity in the backseat of his father's truck. He made it good, so good. That actually isn't when it happened, that's just what we tell people who ask. We couldn't make things work vertically though. It's more complicated than what I can say, actually.
He told me I was difficult to read and impossible to satisfy, excuses that I wasn't sophisticated enough at the time to even comprehend, so I chose to simply believe them, not seeing that he didn't mean a word of it. I told him there was only room for one beauty queen in a relationship and besides, he wanted to party and I got in the way, age-wise. He was nineteen to my barely fifteen. I think he just wanted to sleep with as many girls as he possibly could during his senior year. I didn't like that much, so I retaliated and slept with the captain of the rugby team, a forgettable night that I'd take back if I could. Loch disapproved mightily and stepped back into my love life in a different light, fixing me up with Cole, one of his best friends. He'd serve to regret that forever and felt responsible for a lot of what happened, even though I assured him none of it was ever his fault. He just never felt comfortable stepping in closer than he already had after Cole and I got married. Jacob went on ahead and waded right in when he met me, with Loch's blessing.
Which was why Loch was one of my biggest cheerleaders when Jacob and I got together at last. He wanted me out from under Cole's thumb once and for all and he and Jacob have always seen eye to eye, a matched moral compass which allowed them to become friends and also cleared the path for Ben to have room to step in as Cole's new best friend.
Everyone picked their corners early on.
Loch has also at once encouraged us to move on with our lives and tried to caution us objectively on our plans. Jacob found a reluctant comfort in knowing that Loch had 'been there, done Bridget' so he never looked at me quite the way some of my other friends did.
Loch's girlfriend is thrilled they are moving. She never liked me. And even though I can't fault her for that, I didn't understand it either. He said he was lucky, he got to experience me with a clean slate. Jacob gets me with the twenty years of Cole's baggage weighing me down. But Loch has told him when the spell is broken it's going to be a beautiful thing and surprisingly Jacob actually didn't punch him in the head. He opted to take it as a backhanded compliment. What else are you supposed to do with that sort of knowledge, from one of your best friends in the whole world?
Life is a funny thing. Especially mine.
I can't explain why Loch and I made such a miserable couple but could be such easy friends. Maybe it's the lack of expectations, the take it or leave it promises, the absence of pressure to go to the next stage. It was the reverse of my relationship with Jacob, going from nothing, zero pressure to all the crushing weight of the world, every expectation upon us to make it through the adjustment period intact, and mark the days that pass as milestones on a new path together. Jake and I are fighting to be together which is always better than fighting to be apart.
Maybe it was the way life was supposed to happen. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am, however, hesitant to let go of any more friends. They're becoming like rare flowers in the garden of Eden, and I'm trying to propagate the few that remain. The remarkable ones are so fleeting and I'm loathe to think too hard about that inevitable conclusion or I might falter and miss them too much to be open to the new ones.
I'm going to miss him. He keeps making me empty promises and I know what he's doing. But it's okay. I'm a big girl now, and I'll be fine. Loch made me make him one promise. To put him on speed dial and call him if anything ever goes wrong. If I ever need him. To not keep secrets when it comes to my happiness or my safety. That's one promise I can keep for him this time.
