It's a beautiful day. The whole Reilly household is jumping for joy.
The order of adoption has been granted. This gives Jacob full legal and parental rights for Ruth and Henry. They are his, in the eyes of the law. Ours, at last.
A small and huge gesture all at once. He's a dad. Finally.
And as a second gesture we've been talking at length and have decided not to change their last name, even though we no longer match. Jacob and I have his, and the kids are keeping Cole's last name, because they are part of him too. Something that is important to have, because they knew and loved Cole in a way that is completely separate from my life with Cole and I'm not going to take that away from them.
I'm trying to be a good mother, I really am.
Jacob is anxious to share the news with his family and his congregation too. The excitement is unreal. I think he's happier about this than he was about our engagement and wedding. Which is fine by me because the kids and I are a package deal.
Today is not significant as far as actions go, however. Jacob has been nothing but a wonderful dad already. We haven't made it easy for him but you'd never know it by watching him.
That is what I'm celebrating.
Friday 15 September 2006
Thursday 14 September 2006
New underpinnings.
A funny for your Thursday afternoon:
I was surfing (god, I'm so embarrassed) Hot Topic for...lingerie. Not because I shop there, I was bored and I was thinking about shopping for some new underclothes. Because the old ones..get old fast and it's been a long time since I've had some new and pretties to wear.
Jacob was slightly yucked-out by the offerings at HT and suggested we go to the mall. We went over (because you know the minister can take evenings off to lingerie shop with his sick wife. Exactly!) and I was musing about how the only store I could think of was La Senza and I never liked La Senza. So we went to the mall directory and looked for others. And we found one.
Called Jacob Lingerie.
I don't think I've ever seen Jake turn that many shades of pink. He's cute when he blushes. And with his approval I bought about $350 worth of fresh underpinnings there.
It's a little weird to have a tag with his name on it on every piece of underwear. No one make the joke about him owning my ass now, please, it's been done.
I was surfing (god, I'm so embarrassed) Hot Topic for...lingerie. Not because I shop there, I was bored and I was thinking about shopping for some new underclothes. Because the old ones..get old fast and it's been a long time since I've had some new and pretties to wear.
Jacob was slightly yucked-out by the offerings at HT and suggested we go to the mall. We went over (because you know the minister can take evenings off to lingerie shop with his sick wife. Exactly!) and I was musing about how the only store I could think of was La Senza and I never liked La Senza. So we went to the mall directory and looked for others. And we found one.
Called Jacob Lingerie.
I don't think I've ever seen Jake turn that many shades of pink. He's cute when he blushes. And with his approval I bought about $350 worth of fresh underpinnings there.
It's a little weird to have a tag with his name on it on every piece of underwear. No one make the joke about him owning my ass now, please, it's been done.
Hold your breath.
She's old enough
She knows enough
She's thrown up
So throw her
Out to me
And I'll treat her like she was mine
Except for a raging case of the pukies I'm feeling better today. Nice to know it's the flu instead of a cold. But who cares? I can almost breathe again.
This morning in therapy we talked about my self-confidence.
Gee, that was so much fun.
I don't have issues with that. My ego is what carries me through. I can still dance on tables and smile at everyone and be falling the fuck apart on the inside.
Claus has pointed out somewhat unhelpfully that doing that (and I know he was trying not to picture me dancing on a table. It's really fun and very bumpy-grindy) has nothing to do with self-confidence and keeps wanting to go back and revisit my abilities to compartmentalize everything so efficiently.
I cut him off today. I didn't want to deal with that. I wanted to hear that I was doing great and that I'm normal and stupid and just like everyone else.
Except way prettier.
Sexier, hell, one of a kind. Keep it coming.
When I left the office I told Jacob I was going to cut off all my hair and dye it black and then I would be taken seriously. He laughed and then looked a little scared.
I wouldn't do that. My famous Brigitte Bardot/ longhaired bedhead is part of my personality. I should insure it or something.
So yes, therapy went unwell, and then I came home and lost my coffee. Which made Jacob smile while he held my hair back. Not because he's a masochist, but because..well..
Nevermind. It's the flu.
Wednesday 13 September 2006
From the bottom up. I just stuck these ones all together.
7:56
That's it, I'm done for this day.
I haven't felt this sick in a very long time and so I'm calling in my favors early. Off to the tub for me and then I plan to ask for some tea with honey afterward. Jacob is doing his best to spoil me in the little chance he has had to be home today. Give him a big nod of appreciation for looking after his Bridget (as he said on the phone while cancelling all of his evening work for the next two nights) so well. I couldn't ask for more.
Night all.
6:27
It's a charmed life
Innocence wild
Crayola skies for a thousand miles
It's a good life in the happily ever after
Last page of a very last chapter
It's the story of a charmed life
As soon as we can get the kids scrubbed and asleep in their beds, Jacob has promised me a hot bath, which he will run for me, and then join me in it to wash my hair. If you ever saw my bathtub you would know why I wanted this house so badly. It's a cast-iron clawfoot tub, black on the outside with ivory enamel so thick on the inside it shows your reflection. I can swim in it. I won't even touch on what it's like to have a bath with this man, because, well...oh please. It's a fairy tale of epic proportions.
His condition was that I pour the rest of the whiskey down the drain.
That was easy.
4:58, or Jake's home!
Aw, damn. Some moments nothing is better than seeing Jacob pull up out front and come inside with a big bag of spicy beef salad, fried tofu, chicken noodle soup and rice. He's a prince. I hope I can taste this. I can't smell it and that's a shame, because I always stick my head in the paper bag and breathe in the take-out goodness when Jake gets Vietnamese food.
In other news, I'm starting to feel like shit again. That brief euphoric Dayquilfest was such a rip-off.
3:49
The conversation went something like this, with five people involved:
What are you going to be for Halloween, Bridge?
I don't know. Still thinking.
You should go as your alter-ego?
Huh?
Widget.
Yeah, that would be so awesome.
Oh my god.
Doesn't the widget look just like me though?
Uh, sort of, but less...uh...composed.
With bedhead.
Possibly, no, definitely drunk.
Lipgloss smeared across her cheek.
Okay stop.
Mascara running down her face.
Enough, guys.
Holding one high heel because she lost the other.
Missing one earring too.
Oh good one.
Dress unbuttoned but still on.
Dancing by herself in the middle of the room.
Lost little girl.
I don't see how this is funny.
Christ I think I remember that night.
Oh shut up!
Are you done yet?
What night? I think I would remember if I lost one of my shoes.
Do you think so? Because there were times, Bridge...
You could call yourself Ex-Bride of Cole, sort of like Bride of Frankenstein only more fucked up.
Nice.
Okay, I've had enough.
Aw Jake! Come on, we're only kidding.
Just for that we're going as an angel and a devil.
Yay. Who's the devil?
You can be the devil, Bridget.
YES!
That's a good idea too, but I'd like to see the Widget.
I bet you would.
Now do you see why I'm so excited to meet some of the moms at the school? With friends like these..well, I need some new friends.
2:30
Well, I made it through most of the school day, and I finally succumbed to the Dayquil goodness. Since it lasts for around 6 hours it will keep me upright until I can fall into Jack's arms at 8.
Or Jake's.
Whoever catches me first. Of course, Jack only goes so far. What little there is in the bottle I found at the top of the cupboard. Jake keeps going and going, he's like the holy energizer bunny. I don't think I have ever seen him sick and so I suppose kissing him tonight will be a bad idea. He's been kissing me on the forehead lots lately which I don't like because we fall into those parent/child roles (Sort of the way things are with Lochlan) and that's an uncomfortable place for me to be, with him of all people. Seeing as how we continue to lust after each other so mightily, well, that's really weird.
I don't like weird. Freaky, yes. Weird, no.
Coming up next, the biggest laugh of the week. The boys have devised Bridget's ultimate Halloween costume for this coming October 31. I thought it was hilarious too. Jake? Uh...not so much.
God, I feel like total shit right now. How long does the Nyquil take to kick in?
That's it, I'm done for this day.
I haven't felt this sick in a very long time and so I'm calling in my favors early. Off to the tub for me and then I plan to ask for some tea with honey afterward. Jacob is doing his best to spoil me in the little chance he has had to be home today. Give him a big nod of appreciation for looking after his Bridget (as he said on the phone while cancelling all of his evening work for the next two nights) so well. I couldn't ask for more.
Night all.
6:27
It's a charmed life
Innocence wild
Crayola skies for a thousand miles
It's a good life in the happily ever after
Last page of a very last chapter
It's the story of a charmed life
As soon as we can get the kids scrubbed and asleep in their beds, Jacob has promised me a hot bath, which he will run for me, and then join me in it to wash my hair. If you ever saw my bathtub you would know why I wanted this house so badly. It's a cast-iron clawfoot tub, black on the outside with ivory enamel so thick on the inside it shows your reflection. I can swim in it. I won't even touch on what it's like to have a bath with this man, because, well...oh please. It's a fairy tale of epic proportions.
His condition was that I pour the rest of the whiskey down the drain.
That was easy.
4:58, or Jake's home!
Aw, damn. Some moments nothing is better than seeing Jacob pull up out front and come inside with a big bag of spicy beef salad, fried tofu, chicken noodle soup and rice. He's a prince. I hope I can taste this. I can't smell it and that's a shame, because I always stick my head in the paper bag and breathe in the take-out goodness when Jake gets Vietnamese food.
In other news, I'm starting to feel like shit again. That brief euphoric Dayquilfest was such a rip-off.
3:49
The conversation went something like this, with five people involved:
What are you going to be for Halloween, Bridge?
I don't know. Still thinking.
You should go as your alter-ego?
Huh?
Widget.
Yeah, that would be so awesome.
Oh my god.
Doesn't the widget look just like me though?
Uh, sort of, but less...uh...composed.
With bedhead.
Possibly, no, definitely drunk.
Lipgloss smeared across her cheek.
Okay stop.
Mascara running down her face.
Enough, guys.
Holding one high heel because she lost the other.
Missing one earring too.
Oh good one.
Dress unbuttoned but still on.
Dancing by herself in the middle of the room.
Lost little girl.
I don't see how this is funny.
Christ I think I remember that night.
Oh shut up!
Are you done yet?
What night? I think I would remember if I lost one of my shoes.
Do you think so? Because there were times, Bridge...
You could call yourself Ex-Bride of Cole, sort of like Bride of Frankenstein only more fucked up.
Nice.
Okay, I've had enough.
Aw Jake! Come on, we're only kidding.
Just for that we're going as an angel and a devil.
Yay. Who's the devil?
You can be the devil, Bridget.
YES!
That's a good idea too, but I'd like to see the Widget.
I bet you would.
Now do you see why I'm so excited to meet some of the moms at the school? With friends like these..well, I need some new friends.
2:30
Well, I made it through most of the school day, and I finally succumbed to the Dayquil goodness. Since it lasts for around 6 hours it will keep me upright until I can fall into Jack's arms at 8.
Or Jake's.
Whoever catches me first. Of course, Jack only goes so far. What little there is in the bottle I found at the top of the cupboard. Jake keeps going and going, he's like the holy energizer bunny. I don't think I have ever seen him sick and so I suppose kissing him tonight will be a bad idea. He's been kissing me on the forehead lots lately which I don't like because we fall into those parent/child roles (Sort of the way things are with Lochlan) and that's an uncomfortable place for me to be, with him of all people. Seeing as how we continue to lust after each other so mightily, well, that's really weird.
I don't like weird. Freaky, yes. Weird, no.
Coming up next, the biggest laugh of the week. The boys have devised Bridget's ultimate Halloween costume for this coming October 31. I thought it was hilarious too. Jake? Uh...not so much.
God, I feel like total shit right now. How long does the Nyquil take to kick in?
1:36
If you're not watching CBC newsworld maybe you should be. What in the hell is wrong with people?
In 1989 Marc Lepine walked into a university in Montreal and shot 26 women, killing 14 after ordering the men to leave.
Four hours after that happened, I had to go write an exam. I was 18 years old and two months into my first year as a student at an all-female university. Anonymous, copycat threats had been phoned in and so police and security presences were high.
We were searched, had our IDs checked and boyfriends, brothers and male faculty were given a serious degree of scrutiny. I remember being almost too scared to focus on the stupid math exam. All I could think was that it only took one crazy man with a gun to change someone's life forever, or take away someone you love.
I scored a 37 and was granted a rewrite. Permanently scarred, I scored a 49 the second time. This just makes my skin crawl. No excuse. I don't care what the reasons, if any, turn out to be.
If you're not watching CBC newsworld maybe you should be. What in the hell is wrong with people?
In 1989 Marc Lepine walked into a university in Montreal and shot 26 women, killing 14 after ordering the men to leave.
Four hours after that happened, I had to go write an exam. I was 18 years old and two months into my first year as a student at an all-female university. Anonymous, copycat threats had been phoned in and so police and security presences were high.
We were searched, had our IDs checked and boyfriends, brothers and male faculty were given a serious degree of scrutiny. I remember being almost too scared to focus on the stupid math exam. All I could think was that it only took one crazy man with a gun to change someone's life forever, or take away someone you love.
I scored a 37 and was granted a rewrite. Permanently scarred, I scored a 49 the second time. This just makes my skin crawl. No excuse. I don't care what the reasons, if any, turn out to be.
1:02
I still haven't passed out yet. Remarkable.
Jacob called three more times. I missed two of them thanks to playground noise. But at least he's bringing home Vietnamese take-out tonight so I can deal with one less chore. Ruth is at school, iTunes is chugging and Henry's washing the dishes so I can sit on my ass and feel sorry for myself.
Well, it works for me.
I'd feel better if someone would lend me a copy of Josie & The Pussycats to watch. Oh be quiet, it's a comfort flick. I could have said Three Extremes, also a comfort flick. Why? Because I'm twisted, that's why.
I need more coffee.
I still haven't passed out yet. Remarkable.
Jacob called three more times. I missed two of them thanks to playground noise. But at least he's bringing home Vietnamese take-out tonight so I can deal with one less chore. Ruth is at school, iTunes is chugging and Henry's washing the dishes so I can sit on my ass and feel sorry for myself.
Well, it works for me.
I'd feel better if someone would lend me a copy of Josie & The Pussycats to watch. Oh be quiet, it's a comfort flick. I could have said Three Extremes, also a comfort flick. Why? Because I'm twisted, that's why.
I need more coffee.
12:06 p.m.
Lunch. Yay. We're halfway through the day. Everything tastes like cardboard to me. Yum.
It doesn't matter, though. The past hour was awesome.
Finally got my nose to stop, Jacob called fourteen times because he knows I'm not so okay today and I finally put on some lipgloss and headed over to pick up the kids. There's a bit of a gap between when Kindergarten is let out and when the older kids are dismissed for lunch so we went to the activity room to hang out.
I met some moms.
Some real live moms. From this neighborhood, spilling out of the woodwork. Something I haven't really done yet is meet any moms my age and we moved to this neighborhood almost a year ago. And they're all around my age, with kids. With houses. On these streets. I didn't recognize anyone from church, but most of them have seen Jacob. They filled me in on what goes on in the room each weekday morning and welcomed me warmly.
Geez.
I haven't had girlfriends for years. I might have been even a little tiny bit shy for a couple of moments.
I think most of them are Catholic though. That's okay too.
I will promise not to swear so much, I don't really do that around the kids anyways.
Girlfriends, people. A place to hang out in the mornings if I so choose. With other women to talk to.
Yay Bridget.
Okay, back to dying now.
Lunch. Yay. We're halfway through the day. Everything tastes like cardboard to me. Yum.
It doesn't matter, though. The past hour was awesome.
Finally got my nose to stop, Jacob called fourteen times because he knows I'm not so okay today and I finally put on some lipgloss and headed over to pick up the kids. There's a bit of a gap between when Kindergarten is let out and when the older kids are dismissed for lunch so we went to the activity room to hang out.
I met some moms.
Some real live moms. From this neighborhood, spilling out of the woodwork. Something I haven't really done yet is meet any moms my age and we moved to this neighborhood almost a year ago. And they're all around my age, with kids. With houses. On these streets. I didn't recognize anyone from church, but most of them have seen Jacob. They filled me in on what goes on in the room each weekday morning and welcomed me warmly.
Geez.
I haven't had girlfriends for years. I might have been even a little tiny bit shy for a couple of moments.
I think most of them are Catholic though. That's okay too.
I will promise not to swear so much, I don't really do that around the kids anyways.
Girlfriends, people. A place to hang out in the mornings if I so choose. With other women to talk to.
Yay Bridget.
Okay, back to dying now.
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