Is it wrong to sometimes want to disappear and sleep or just travel invisibily for days or maybe weeks on end and then somehow figure out how to crawl out of my own head and rejoin society? Did I want to do that? Should I bother? Or maybe just pick and choose my timeline so I don't have to have mental lists and mental hurdles and mental...moments. I would like to be ignorant, oblivious and dismissive. I would like to dissolve into a pool of coffee and glitter. I want to shake things up but also I want to keep the status quo just fine. I want to appreciate the finer things and the fun moments and the excitement and joy of life but at the same time I want to skip fast-forward through the hard parts.
Thursday is Halloween. Next Thursday will be Jacob's birthday. I only showed up here because some people asked.
Maybe it'll all be okay this time. Sometimes it is. Sometimes if I have something difficult to do I promise myself a little reward on the other side like a big Cobb cinnamon bun or a drive to a pumpkin patch or a new pair of jeans from Old Navy. I rarely fulfill the reward part but it helps for some reason. Maybe it will help this time too.