Woke up on my stomach. The sun is pouring in around the edges of the curtains, which lift in the breeze. I can faintly hear the small children at the park (sound carries miles over the water) and music coming from Duncan's patio two floors below. I rise up on my elbows, surveying my tiny bedroom kingdom from underneath my crown of wild blonde waves. Lochlan sleeps in a sea of red curls, a riptide drowning everyone who comes too close. Caleb has Ben's usual place which is most of the right side of the bed if you're in it on your back looking at the ceiling, so the whole left side if you're looking at the bed. He sleeps easily on his back, face unlined, head angled in toward the center. He opens his eyes and I shriek, not expecting it. He laughs.
What time is it?
No idea.We don't keep clocks. If you need an alarm, set one.
I test my limbs. Everything aches. They called my bluff. Lit the tiniest, dimmest lanterns and candles, poured some wine, put on some soft unfamiliar music and layered all of the pillows up around the bed. Caleb offered Burning Man Light. All of the fun and excitement, none of the risk.
Lochlan said he was game for whatever I wanted and as usual I said I wanted everything and the night descended through into an unending darkness in which we checked all of our emotions at the bedroom door save for one and let a silent cadence tick the hours down until daylight. I don't know when we stopped. I just know when we woke up.
We tried things never tried before, we found peace not achieved in decades and we went places we'll never speak of out loud that's for certain but the Devil didn't bite and the Fire Eater didn't burn anything down and we're all here intact to greet the morning and I may need a full-immersion baptism and all of the grace I can carry this morning if I am to show my face downstairs just as my memory is probably as transparent and useful as my poker face. Knowing me, it is.
Lochlan rubs his eyes and rolls away, taking his sea of curls with him. Everyone good? he mumbles.
Yes, we say in unison and giggle softly. He rolls back and opens his eyes with a grin. We don't speak of this.
It's got to be noon. Going to be kind of obvious.
I'll go out the front.
Yeah.
Maybe Ben came in.
He didn't. He had already texted me.
Okay then no worries.
I hate that phrase. It's as if people go, 'duh...okay! I don't worry about anything now-'
You say that every time, Bridget.
I know.
What are you worried about right this minute?
I cover my face.
Tell me. Caleb always pretends Lochlan isn't even there. That can be worry number one today.
I'm good. I just mean in general. I need to get rolling.
What do we have to do, Peanut? It's Saturday-
I have a whole list-
Kidding. Okay. See you later, Cale.
Much love, Brother. Neamhchiontach. The pleasure was all, well, wow. You are incredible as ever and I'm humbled and thankful. He plants a soft kiss on my bottom lip, finds his clothes, dresses efficiently and he's gone.
Lochlan makes no move to get up. You really okay? That was some harsh-
I'm absolutely fine. I think it would have been better if he left afterward instead of sleeping over. It would be less weird.
But you let him stay so he feels less alone.
I do.
That's sweet. So we put up with the weird so he can have that comfort.
Right.
Then leave it.
You've very patient.
I think we both would do anything if it meant keeping you from going to that festival.
I think you both did everything last night for what it's worth.
You might be right.
Thank you, Locket.
Told you I would do anything for you. It has nothing to do with him. There are things I'll never forgive him for and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Trying to put those two things together is now something I've become really good at it.
Juggling.
Yes, juggling, Bridget.
And he laughed from deep within. I will always love that sound best. Though there were some other sounds, some brand new sounds, some that I heard, some that I made have made last night that are in contention now.
