And then what happened?
Oh, he recognized me instantly but since he's a professional he finished his exhibition and thanked the crowd, passed the hat and packed up his things before he came over.
And then?
And then he said "It's you". He recognized me in my McQueen dress on an unfamiliar street in yet another unfamiliar country in an unfamiliar time. Maybe he felt the Devil before he saw me. I don't know. I'll never know, I guess.
And what did you say?
I asked him if he was okay and he did that thing he always does where he looks off and upwards, squinting at the sun or the stars, whatever happens to be handy and he said "Still singing for my supper, as it were. How about you?"
"Still burning in hell. I like the clothes though."
"But are you happy, Bridget? Was the grass greener? Was it all less painful with the promises that money could buy that one thing you wanted? Did he stop hurting you? Did he make up for the past? Did he brainwash you just a little more so you could forget all about the part where you loved me more? Did you actually move on or did you think about me every time you lit a candle like you always said you did?" He recognized me. In his mind twenty years was the same as a week.
And then Caleb is beside me, having straightened out the issue with the restaurant valet and he's all shits and grins and fake delight. "Who do we have here? Lochlan! How long has it been? You're still busking for a dollar? Well I'll be!" And he pulls out a hundred and tucks it into Lochlan's breast pocket and steamrolls the conversations back to the good old days on the point and then they both look at me with horror and I didn't even realize that tears had begun to roll heavily down my face in a death march off the edge because they didn't want to exist suddenly either-
And abruptly Sam snaps his fingers.
Your imagination is a force to be reckoned with, Fragile Miss b. No wonder he worries so.
But I can't catch my breath.
Bridget. Sam puts his hands on my arms and starts to count so I don't hyperventilate.
Why does my head want one thing when my heart knows exactly what it wants, Sam?
Bridget, Jesus Christ! Caleb's been brainwashing you for three decades. You are programmed to go to him. This is how he's designed your brain from a young age in going back to him time and time again not matter what he does to you. It's just lucky that you imprinted on Lochlan before that so he can call you back. The problem is I think it's going to take the rest of your life to undo the damage.
I don't think I have that long, Sam.
You don't have a choice. The longer you resist conventional therapy the longer it takes. No magic bullets, just hard work.
Give me the bullet instead. I can be a vegetable. Lochlan can spoon feed me and then I'll never argue with him.
Bridget, keep talking like that and I'll quit this gig too.
Name one thing that's been easy to come by in this life of mine and we'll call it a day. End on a high note for me, please. I need a cheer-up.
Love. You fall in love in the time it takes most people to brush their teeth.
This is not a flaw, Sam, it's a perk.
It's the reason you're in this mess, Bridget.
Which mess?
I rest my case.
