Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Polar eyes.

I'm watching endless replays of Nik Wallenda walking the new Orlando Eye. He did a graceful turn up there and I held my breath as always. He combined two of my favorite things in life and I wasn't going to miss it. Funambulism on a wheel? Yes, I'll get up at four in the morning to watch you conquer that any damn day of my life.


My house is full of flowers. Sam and Matt had the most beautiful bouquet sent to us to thank us for the help and the musical rooms. They're loving their close but private quarters here. Sometimes there are growing pains. I'm grateful for PJ's generosity and Sam and Matt's willingness to stick things out. Also I'm grateful for black and white arrangements because damn, these are amazing. It's the most striking bouquet I've ever seen. I put it on the big table in the front hall.

Caleb also sent flowers. To celebrate Lochlan not making any legal, official headway in his life. Nice. They are beautiful. Palest pink roses, as always from Caleb. Still in tight buds and not opened at all. His note was terrible. I had to burn it before anyone else saw it. The flowers I put in the library. The delicate bisque urn they came in goes with the walls in there.

Ben sent riotous rainbow roses for our belated anniversary. We both like black but he always buys rainbow roses if he can because I insisted once there is a place where they grow like that and it isn't that they are artificially colored. He said of course there is and now here we are. So loud. Like him. I love them. They are on the island in the kitchen so I can look at them until he gets back Friday.

You are competition
Take your happy childhood with you
When you leave you go completely mad
Weird concepts seemed to disappoint us
Anyone who hangs a life
In pursuit they all just break down

Head to the sky
I'm pointing at it
Sunshine illuminate the desert
Sleeping like friends and now we are all smiling again

Lochlan is trying to sort out Sunshine Illuminate on the piano this morning. He's so incredibly pissed at me. Says I jump for everyone else like a fucking baby goat. Says I don't trust him one lick. Says this is all just bullshit and maybe he should go. Says flowers make his nose stuff up and his throat close. Says we should never ever have come home. Says someday I'm going to regret all this time I wasted in keeping him at arms length. Says to turn the music off, he's done.


Daniel fell off the roof of the stables and broke his tibia. He was scraping moss off the shingles (we forgot to have it sprayed after it was built, oy) and landed on the raised flower beds and boom. His house is also full of flowers. The good news is it's a spiral-twist sort of fracture and he is cast and home resting. We have a late spring plan to watch netflix and gain weight together. Ben's going to cut his trip short so he can also come and look at Danny and his new puffy white leg. We've started calling him Baymax and asking him how he feels every three minutes.

You have fallen, I told him.

You think? He returned Hiro's line without hesitating. He'll be okay. So heartwarming watching everyone dote on him. He's our big baby. Even Schuy took the remainder of this week off. He's a little rattled. The fall was high. Daniel could have broken his neck. At least a leg we can fix. Unlike hearts or necks, they are pretty straightforward.


PJ said his disappointment in me ranks a solid 9 out of 10 today. He said it at least three times before I finally snapped at him that had I forged ahead with Ben's plans we'd all be homeless and in the shits right now and he'd be mad about that.

Do you really think Loch would do that? I don't think that's what Ben has in mind.

Yes, I do. I see him dismantling everything we spent the last five years building here and he wouldn't hesistate for even a second.


Tell me you'd do something different if it were you.

I can't do that, Bridge. 


August was weirdly supportive. Maybe keeping to his Jake-allegiance. Maybe just being a jerk about things. His built-in moral outrage is loud and funny, in a way. Just like Jake's used to be.

For God's sake. Spend five minutes catching your breath, would you? 

I just threw my arms around his neck and hung on, because that's the most sense I've heard all week.