Monday 3 February 2014

Everything that's wrong with all three of us in one post.

We are fire
Burning brightly
You and I

We light the sky
When we ignite
When we come alive
When we come alive
Oh please, when I say several of the boys have been over to give Caleb hell, I don't mean he's gotten mild lectures. But I don't know for sure so I minimize it and look the other way. I asked them not to add to the violence and they just laughed with derision. But I know at the end of the day Lochlan has far too much character to do more than throw a few impulsive, wide punches. I don't have to fear for Caleb's life from one of the boys killing him but should I have to fear for my own from him all the time?

Caleb knocked on the door this morning and when I answered it, Lochlan grabbed the back of my shirt, twisting it in his hand, keeping me close. Reminding me that charm is a mask worn by the devil and nothing more. But I don't need to be drawn in, I'm already there.

Caleb had flowers for me. White roses. My favorites. He looked at Lochlan and then back at me, choosing his words carefully as he spoke. He's mirroring me, owning his actions the way I'm trying to own mine. He tells me that in an effort to regain control he would like it if I bring a chaperone when I come over or he will come here, that he is trying. That it's hard. I'm a drug. He knows how Ben feels sometimes. How they all feel. He asks if I'm okay.

Of course I am. A bite is not a death or betrayal, physical pain is a fucking joke. 

I'll try to remember that next headache, Caleb laughs shakily.  I'm sorry, Bridget. I lost control and I'm sorry. And Loch. I'm sorry for hurting her. 

We don't want apologies, we want changes. No more of this or I will fucking kill you. Stop plying her with booze while you're at it, she's a fucking minor! 

I turn and look at Lochlan, my eyes very wide. I joke about being treated like I'm twelve but that comment right there was active denial.

Loch-

You know what I mean! He brushes us both off and storms out. I turn back to Caleb.

You need to leave. Thanks for the flowers. I will stuff them in the holes you made in my skin and be beautifully embellished. 

Jesus, Bridget. I-

I know. The visual, hey? It's horrifying.