We gotta live with how it feelsUnderneath the recently purchased, starched dress shirt to play the role is a juggernaut. He is so strong. I don't know how he became so strong. When I wasn't looking his resolve was sneaking in, adding strength so that no one would ever again make an attempt at a second-guess. You sell your soul to the devil to gain that kind of power overnight. He went one step further and took over the office of the incarnation of evil, just to be sure.
Down there inside
The feelings that you fight
The demons that you hide
Know you're not alone in how you feel down there inside
We’ve all got things we hide
You feel down there inside
He gathers my hair in one hand, pulling it hard, wrenching my head back. When my mouth opens in protest I am drowned in good whiskey. I am gulping it down, trying to get past it, gasping for air. Ruin turns to rescue, he pulls me in close against his chest, smoothing my hair back, telling me he is sorry. Why is he lying? I push away and look at his eyes, barely veiled, crazed with excitement, need. I turn to leave and he takes my arms, pulling them behind my back, pulling me back into him, his head coming down beside my ear. He tells me everything is okay. I nod and my knees buckle. He steers me to the wall, pushing me against it, turning me around roughly after tying the ribbon over my eyes. I reach up to pull it away but he twists my hand back down. I can feel him breathing against my hair. Controlled. Anticipatory.
Predatory.
We are standing on the edge of the cliff, so high we can't see the bottom and he is taking mere seconds to decide whether or not to cross this line. Again.
I already know how this story ends and I throw us over the side, climbing up his limbs, clawing my way across his skin looking to find the strength he took from me to feed his own power. I find it and he catches me. I am forced back down, turned inside out as he takes me in his arms, kissing my breath away in the dark. I ask him not to do this but my words are falling at a different speed. It isn't until he is finished that he reaches to pull down the ribbon from my eyes that the monster retreats and the regret floods into his eyes in the most beautiful shade of medium blue.
A hard kiss lands against my lips. I push his head away. His hand comes up around my throat. We are eye to eye now as a softer kiss finds a place to land under my nose. There's no strength in me at all. I can't fight him. Surrender and the monster gears up once more, fed by the prolonged darkness. His hands replace the ribbon over my eyes. I try to peel his fingers up one by one. It's hopeless.
His words are landing in my ears, making ripples on the surface so I focus on those instead. I am calm. I know these words. I know these hands. I know this blood. No more fighting. I let myself go slack. I am rewarded with another kiss. One so tender this time it takes my breath with it. I am pulled into his arms and held. A hold that you know would last forever if only you had the chance to find out.
The words that could take a promise and turn it into a lifetime.
A love that brings convention to its knees.
And a hate that turns it all to cinders, blowing on burned fingers, hiding behind the flames as the wind stirs the embers into the air, coating my world. I kick the fire and walk away when the sun rises. I know he won't follow. He'll just wait for me to come back. I always do, even though I didn't sell my soul to the devil for anything, no sir. He just took it. There wasn't a thing anyone could do.