She seems dressed in all the ringsSam waits nervously at the door but I am busy throwing things that don't seem to want to break and I have no intentions of stopping until everything does. Every toss gets a name or a reason cursed upon it before I let it fly. Every word comes out in a scream. Sam adjusts his vest. Such a nerd. He's holding Jacob's well-worn, fingerprint-embossed, still achingly-warm bible against his chest as if he's considering an exorcism.
Of past fatalities
So fragile yet so devious
She continues to see it
Climatic hands that press
Her temples and my chest
Enter the night that she came home
Forever
Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)
She is everything and more
The solemn hypnotic
My Dahlia bathed in possession
She is home to me
I get nervous, perverse, when I see her it's worse
But the stress is astounding
It's now or never she's coming home
Forever
Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)
Good, I would do the same thing if I were in his shoes. Only I haven't been taken over by demons. I am just angry. Angry in a ferocious, uncharacteristic way.
In between unintentional frisbees, I ask him questions as they come to me. I'm not sure if he knows any of this stuff or not. I do. I'm only asking so he feels less weird. Because weird is the habitual state of affairs in this family, like days that end in y and the heart-shaped ice cubes in the freezer. Next to the little blocky little tombstone ones.
Do you know what color vermillion actually is, Samwise?
Yes, it's an orangey-re-
It's the color of my blood. I laugh, so inappropriately.
He looks at the floor. It's going to be a long day. He tries again. Bridge-
How many letters has Jacob left for me, all told?
He counted briefly in silence and then shouted his answer. I don't know.
How many times did Queen play at Wembley, Sam?
Oh, Bridget, I have no idea.
Success. The plate hit the wall just over the door, shattering into a million fragments and Jake's bible is now muted-black with dust. Sam squeezed his eyes shut but to his credit he didn't duck or freak out.
Next. If you get it wrong you have to go. Why can't we ever act like normal human beings?
Sam just rolled his eyes and turned and walked out as Lochlan was walking in. They don't exchange words, just looks. We've come too far to need any more words.
I sit down on the floor in the midst of a room full of would-be ruin that I didn't have enough strength to break and I realize I don't recognize myself anymore.
I'm a slave, and I am a master
No restraints and, unchecked collectors
I exist through my need, to self oblige
She is something in me, that I despise
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me