The circus is in full swing again and we haven't had time to even restock the concessions or sweep out the smaller tents. One elephant is loose and Bridget's braids unraveled the better part of four hours ago. There's a tear in her costume and a smudge of dirt on her forehead but pay her no mind, she's just but one part of the big show and there is so much here to see tonight.
My tightrope is woven with disquietude now, my balancing pole cast in fear. This part of the act seems blindly simple and yet it's the hardest part of all. You don't know until you're up here. You don't know so don't presume, just hold your breath and try not to audibly gasp when I wobble. If enough of you make the same sound it might carry to my ears and then I'll become distracted and make a mistake and then it will be the biggest Tragedy On Earth. Ringling Brothers. Death becomes Us. The Circus of Ghosts and Best Laid Plans. Don't miss it. You'll be sorry if you did.
I used to get a lump in my throat when I saw the tents going up. I would scratch out the lines in the dust from the games we were playing and I would grab my stickers and my candy and walk right up to the tent and duck underneath before they had time to secure the pegs. Sticker on my leg, cotton candy on my breath, I would watch with admiration as Lochlan worked to fulfill his duties. Usually by the time the tent went up he was packing up the leftover signs to head off early to the next town to post the next round of roadside arrows and gritty signs pointing the way. He used to say it was no life. He would shake his head at me as I drew lines in the dirt and balanced all the way down, arms out gracefully, hair still stuck in my mouth if it wasn't stuck in my ponytail. Smiling professionally, because I would become the youngest, prettiest Jill ever to charm the farmers and the townspeople too.
Oh, just you wait, Lochie.
Bridge, this is no life for you.
There's more love under this tent than in the ten thousand homes in this town.
Says you. These people are rough. You're too young to run with this crowd.
You're here.
I'm only on for five towns, remember?
We could go from coast to coast, think about how much fun it would be!
Go home, Bridgie. Go play with your Barbies.
I'll show you.
Have Barbie Circus even. You could do that.
Cole would take me.
Cole doesn't work here.
He would if I asked.
Don't you dare, Bridget.
What do you care?
Cole can't bring you into this.
Then what's your worry?
That Caleb would instead.
Caleb? Why would he care?
He would do anything you asked.
He's twenty-one, he's much too old for the circus.
It's not the circus that would keep his interest, bee.
Gross. I'm thirteen.
It's true, though.
That's creepy.
Bridget, don't kid yourself.
Can we talk about something else then?
Sure, what?
What costume I'm going to wear when I walk the high wire.
No. Because you're going to go home now.
I'm never going to marry you, you know that?
Oh, and why not?
You're not fun. There's no dreaming with you. Only logic. You're boring.
I could be worse.
How?
I could be impossible, like you.
Yeah well, at least I know that when I grow up I'm going to live an exciting life. What are you going to do?
I don't know yet, but I hope it doesn't involve scraping you off the floor of the big top.
But would you if it did?
Of course I would. I love you, Bridgie, and I'll take the bag of your blood and guts and hair home to your mother and tell her you were very brave.
Good. Because someone will have to.
Yeah, somehow I don't see Cole sticking around for that part.
What about Caleb?
He would probably engineer your death just for the publicity.
