Oh but I could be so bitter.
Trying. hard. not. to. be.
Worse than the twilight homesickness that takes over every night after dinner for pretty much every single night of my life, a weird twinge, gone as fast as it arrives is that empty feeling when Ben goes away.
The first trip was over and done before I could register, the promise of regular commuting being the free pass that was supposed to make this painless and uneventful. Only with the first short return and subsequent six hours of driving, (WHICH WAS HIS IDEA) Ben is too tired to do this and he said as much as he was walking to the gate tonight.
I can't get back until next week, he said.
He knew and he didn't tell me because I'm a belligerent, spoiled little girl. I would have given him a hard time, I would have asked him to come anyway because this is about me. Only it's not and he goes off and shuts down this part of his life to make it easier for himself to work and focus and not worry about Bridget because Bridget is worrying about Bridget and there's no redundancy in ignorance.
So fuck it.
Just fuck it.