You know what I love? Those moments afterward, when I'm still tightly wrapped in Ben's arms and he shifts onto his back again so I can lie against him without being crushed anymore, and we talk a little as we fall asleep. He's warm those times, so warm. Strong, too. That confidence that only comes out in the dark, when we're close together and everything else goes away for just a little while.
We had a rough day yesterday. A day that drove us to our favorite hiding places to ride out the hard parts but a day that saw us team up and attempt to weather it together, at least somewhat. That's such a tall order sometimes but we did it anyway and woke up in a new frame of mind, his arms still around me, his mind clear, his eyes open. The sleep of the dead. No dreams, no waking, just dark, just nothing. Sometimes sleep needs to be that way.
This morning we dropped the children off at school and then Ben went for a meeting and I went for a run and he agreed to meet me at the end of my usual circuit and bring me home. It's nice to be able to keep running without having to check my progress and know that however far I go, I need to turn and come back, and so today found me far past my usual haunts and I had to call him and tell him, no, not there, way over here. By the museum. Yeah, I did make it pretty far this time, didn't I?
When he pulled up he had my purse, a pair of jeans and a shirt and coat in the truck and so I was indeed the woman in the passenger side of that white Ford truck you saw who probably flashed you or gave you a show. Once I was changed and had my running clothes in the bag he brought, he smiled and then he reached into his coat and pulled out my antipersperant. He said that he didn't think I needed it, since I'm perfect and I probably don't even sweat that much when I run (I don't) but he thought I might want it anyway. I asked him if he had any makeup in his coat too, so I could at least have eyelashes at lunch.
Yeah, I've got some but I don't like to share, princess.
You what?
I'm kidding. I stopped doing that years ago.
Yeah, right, Ben.
I get way more respect without it.
I'll bet.
Do you think I do?
Of course, who in the hell is going to take a guy in eyeliner and nail polish seriously?
Another guy in eyeliner and nail polish.
See any of those around?
Not yet but I'm thinking if I can get PJ when he's not looking.
Funny you should say that.
What?
Oh, you know what? Never mind.
No, now you have to tell me.
Benny, PJ is being you for Halloween.
Somehow I thought he would be pissed but I'd rather warm him up to the idea instead of having him deck PJ or something. Instead I got a big surprise.
He is? Really?
Yes. Are you mad?
Hell, no. I think it's awesome!
You're kidding, right?
You know what this means, princess?
No...?
When someone dresses up like you for Halloween, it means you've arrived.
He was grinning like a fool, wisely preferring to believe that his friend was honoring him by playing him for Halloween instead of being pissed off that he might be made fun of. And so he was feeling so good we wound up going not to McDonalds, as he had planned, but some place a little bit nicer, but a place that still wouldn't notice that Elvis and the Girl with No Eyelashes were gracing them with their very presence on a sunny day in October.
Some people are just oblivious, I guess.
