Monday 21 January 2008

Things in the mirror are sometimes not as dumb as they appear.

    Maybe there will come a day
    When those that you keep blind
    Will suddenly realize
    Maybe it's a part of me
    You took to a place
    I hoped it would never go
    And maybe that fucked me up
    Much more than you'll ever know


This morning was very incredibly satisfying.

I took Ben and Joel with me, and I marched into Caleb's hotel suite, walking straight to the desk where he sat and I tossed a nice fat manila envelope in front of him, papers flying everywhere while he regarded me with his usual smug amusement, asking me what it was.

I explained to him it was a copy of his ruin, that I had similar envelopes waiting to be sent to his firm, his family and to our mutual high-end friends, and that if he really wanted me that badly, the price had just gone up. He would lose everything and if there is one thing I could ever tell you about Caleb, it's that he has worked hard to be where he is, and he is defined by his position. He enjoys his position. He won't risk his position. And so rather than calling me on my own threat, he tapped out completely.

His smile turned bitter, sliding right off his face. He asked if that was all I required to be released from him. I confirmed that I meant leaving me, my children and my friends, most of all Ben, alone, that we can all exist peacefully and he can get updates from his parents if he wants to be an absent uncle but otherwise I'm not doing this anymore and I'm not living in fear anymore.

He said he liked me better when I was fragile because that was the only part of me that had held any value for him anyway and without it I am just like everyone else.

I smiled and walked out.

Maybe that's exactly what I want, to be like everyone else.