I woke up at four in the morning, opened the curtains and the constellation of Orion was directly in front of me. I gasped out loud and Ben woke up so fast he may have gotten whiplash.
Slumber-bee. Come back.
He couldn't see it from the bed but I couldn't take my eyes off it. It's never been so close. It's never been right there but what do I know? Sometimes I have slept through it. Maybe there are more stars I can touch. I make a note to drink coffee at nine tonight so I can stay up. So I don't miss a thing.
Lochlan stirs and I put my finger to my lips. Ben nods and lies back down, probably asleep before his head hit the pillow. He leaves room for me but I probably won't be back. Not with this rock show going on in front of me.
I head downstairs and straight out the back door to where the sky will be mirrored by the sea. It's calm enough for reflection of the sort I am looking for and that's what's important. The chime will wake up the house, however and so I will enjoy it while it lasts because if I know one thing it's that Bridget is not allowed outside without supervision ever. It's so loud too. Sometimes I don't want to give the barometer, sometimes I just want to talk to ghosts, or to be alone. Sometimes even if it's dark.
There are too many risks here at home. The ghosts, mainly. The cliffs. The bears. The tortured inner monologue. The lack of personal responsibility. The drugs.
The history of me.
I may be the star in their skies but in reality I'm a little black cloud. There's nothing shining here, a tarnished crown of life interrupted or rather a life I sleptwalked through.
Neamhchiontach.
But the voice doesn't match the word and I turn and it's Lochlan, standing in the doorway, lit from within and without, my whole universe in all of its red-headed glory. A fiery planet too big in the universe to be a simple star.
Come back to bed.
But Orion-
Now, Bridge.