My rules were much the same as Caleb's, truth be told. No alone time unless someone is very nearby. Outside is fine. No trips. No overnights. No lies. No defending the Devil from the actions he takes, only to be excused away by my practised, immature inner voice. She will let him get away with anything. He made sure of it with threats that she once believed and doesn't anymore, but it all happened at such a young age that it made something grow crooked inside her.
(Spoiler: It was her/my brain.)
Loch made me pinky-swear to him and I did easily and then we had a picnic on the windy beach below, egg salad sandwiches, tonic water and baked chips. A favourite meal. We watched the logs bump on the shore and the foam ice the tops of the waves and he asked me what I would change.
I want to be like everyone else.
How do you mean?
I don't want to have to need pills to function properly. I don't want to be taken at face value. I want to be deep and mysterious and together-
I look at him and he is shaking with laughter. Of course I'm not offended. Just fatally curious as ever.
What's so funny?
You are who you're supposed to be. I don't like hearing you doubt yourself. The pills are-
They make me thirsty and I can't concentrate-
For now and we'll deal with later in a little while. You are deep and wonderful and beautiful. No one here wants a robot or a superwoman. We just want you. Safe. Happy. Not hurting. Not being hurt. Not suffering. Not being tortured or in distress twenty-four hours a day. You promised you would trust me but I see the way you look at me.
I don't-
You do. It's as if I have become the enemy. And I never will be, Bridget. We'll get through this. Even if it takes the rest of our lives. But I'm not going to let Caleb consume you slowly or try and tear you away from me.
He can't.
But you can't let him go and I understand that but he's going to do some real work on himself too and we're all going to get to a healthier, less-fucked up place. Or die trying.
I nod. Is it hyperbole? No. Is it encouraging? Maybe.
A little, anyway.