I'm pretending to be confident, steady on my feet, courageous. Self-assured to a tee. I found all of these qualities in a spanking shiny fresh bottle of armagnac and I'm not about to pass them up so I marinated in them and now I'm ten feet tall and words bounce off like rubber bullets.
Except for the ones August speaks. Those ones are sharpened barbs and I'm porcupine-confident now, covered in quills and backed into a corner. My defense is to pull out the barbs, snap off their sharp, cutting points and throw them at his feet, looking up at him in tears, tears that are at least 53% proof, maybe more.
Bridge, did you ever think maybe if you were sober more often you would have a better handle on your emotions?
I don't carry those, Augie. They're too heavy for me so I think...um...Ben probably is holding the handle so who better than that? I wouldn't have a better hold on the handle-
I think I'll take you over.
Sounds good. I don't think they can manage-
I mean across the driveway, home.
Oh, I thought you meant you'll take over looking after me.
Is that what you want?
I don't want you to avoid me.
Bridget, you're breaking my heart.
You're the one who tells me to get out every time I'm here.
Because after I let go of you I'm reminded that I'm trying to stand in to make the widow of my best friend happy and I'm a poor substitute. You feel bad, I feel bad. Everyone feels bad and yet I can't stop. You come over here and stand in front of me and blink back those huge tears and I can't deny you or myself.
I think that's the most words you've said in years, Augie.
Maybe. I don't tell you to leave because I want you to leave.
So then come over and stay with us. Have a sleepover.
I thought Caleb had taken up residence in your bed.
That was days ago.
He laughs. Things going good with your devil, then? I don't want to fuck that up.
Fed the beast. Beast went home. You aren't responsible for his jealousy or my arrangements.
Let me speak to Loch.
I'll wait. I lean back against the counter while he picks up his phone and hits a button. His arm snakes around my neck, pulling me in to his chest, planting a kiss on the top of my head.
Hey, I hear him say. Bridge is here. We're coming back over. Okay with you?...Good. See you in a minute, Brother. He puts the phone down.
He knew I was here, Augie-
I don't think he likes it when you come over alone.
Then I'll bring him every time.
If that's what you want. He bends his head down and gives me a long kiss. That isn't something that happens often. He uses his thumb to wipe my tears, ending with running it along my bottom lip. I don't know if he knows what that does, but it was his best friend's signature move, and it makes me fall in love in the space of a single heartbeat. Some of the boys do it for effect, or perhaps feigning ignorance but August isn't one for dirty tricks.
Let's go. Got everything?
Yes, I whisper. It's going to be a long night, and I can't wait.