Yes, I've been a busy girl this morning. I've already talked to Claus twice in the past twenty-four hours, I found Ben and gave him a hard time for checking out again and I talked to Batman, or rather, I whined briefly about his sudden need to make Loch so busy and he told me to suck it up, that if we want to be norms then norms work hard and don't do nearly the amount of self-aggrandizing and navel-gazing we do.
When did I say I wanted to live like a norm? Do I LOOK like I'm living like a norm? But he had already left because he's definitely a norm and he has things to do. I get to stroll around the pool, steal veggie chips from over PJ's shoulder and pretend I'm useful.
Claus is starting so slowly I lapped him five times. My brain is Nurburgring. There are very few straightaways where you can pick up speed and most people crash. He laughed heartily at my shitty analogy and asked me how I felt today. That's it.
Well, I'm cold. Like really cold and I should get socks and a sweater.
And?
Starving.
What was for breakfast?
Tea and an apple.
What will you have for lunch?
Ummm. A ham sandwich with provolone probably.
What did you do with Joel?
I hit him over the head with the lamp from the bedside table and at dusk I'll drag his body down to the beach, weigh it down and heave it into the deep water by the dock. What do you think I did? I told him to leave.
Do you have fantasies about hurting him?
Is this the part where I have to tell the truth?
Always, dear child.
No, I don't. But every time I'm in a room with him he is evaluating me. Judging me even. Every action I take seems to be for some sordid purpose in his eyes. If I don't take an offered salmon canape I'm returning to my anorexic ways. If I smile at a man who doesn't live in the house I'm hunting. If I don't say anything I'm withdrawing or escaping. I wish he would stop. I wish he was a fucking plumber.
When does Lochlan come home?
Around three, I think. He had a 9-1-1 yesterday and he fixed it so today won't be so long.
What will you do with the rest of the day?
Crash and burn on the track and then baptize myself in the pool and start all over again.
Maybe you should take it easy for a few days. Be kinder to yourself.
I would but then I'd probably get used to it.
I hit the end call button and Claus disappears. Like my nerve, there long enough to be belligerent and then gone in the blink of an eye.
