Back into Lochlan's arms this morning, his hands closing around my head tightly. One of these days it's going to squish and burst and then they'll find the embroidery scissors I lost in the last move, a few pens with colored ink I am forbidden to use in public and what's left of my brain, most likely the stem and the black part that was inedible to the brain tumor that never gets full. My head hurts so badly and my mouth is dry and he asks quietly if I'm okay.
No one bit me, if that's what everyone is wondering. Caleb and I stayed out way too late last night eating dessert and drinking coffee after the proper meetings were dispensed with and then we found a pinball machine in a convenience store and cashed in twenty after twenty for tokens, failing to beat the high score. Not even coming close.
He can be fun when he chooses to be. His tie was stuffed in his pocket, trailing out behind him, his eyes bright and the grin fixed to his face. We started laughing hysterically somewhere around eleven and didn't stop until close to one in the morning, when he finally grew more serious as we walked back to the hotel and he said,
How much truth do you want and where am I supposed to start?
All of it and don't start tonight, whatever you do. I'm tired.
Let's find an airplane and go home to our son then.
Does it start with him?
Bridget, we'll talk about it tomorrow.
What else will we talk about?
I figured I would just let you start with questions and once those are answered, we'll reconcile whatever is left.
An open book?
An open book, Neamhchiontach.
Why now?
You asked. You asked and I'm not going to live forever and I'm probably never going to get what I want so why the hell not?
Why aren't you like this all the time?
I told you. Truth tomorrow. Tonight I'll lie and say that I am.
I was falling asleep on the plane before I was fully settled and he fastened my seat belt and told me to get some rest. I nodded and he said he loved me.
But do you or is that a lie too?
That's never been a lie. It never will be a lie as long as I'm breathing.
Too bad. Your life would be so much easier if it was.
