Ben has had a haircut and a decent shave at the same time. I only know about the shave because when he does it himself he misses the entire ridge underneath his heavy jaw and the barbershop doesn't.
The things you notice, being five feet tall.
He is sitting up straight and open to whatever castigation he thinks he is due. Maybe Batman has rubbed off on him, Ben is staying with him at the condo downtown. Or maybe not. Ben is wearing my favorite T-shirt. The one that says Pipers do it with Amazing Grace. His bagpipes have been sitting on a shelf in the closet since last summer. With our marriage, his pride and my ego for good measure.
Do you know what you're doing?
No, Ben, do I ever?
He smiles. God, he looks so tired it makes my heart ache. Be careful you don't get bitten, Bee.
He does not mean this figuratively. I won't. He only comes close now. Still hurts though.
Bridget-
I'm fine.
Are you?
No. When are you coming home?
I thought you had given up on me. His face is ashen.
Nope. I'm still waiting for you to grow up and be the man I've caught glimpses of in tough times. Are you telling me the only time you have your shit together is when you absolutely have to?
You tell me. You know me better than I know myself.
I thought I did, but I'm not sure anymore.
His eyes fill up. Whatever hope he had a minute ago is gone again. So what do I do now?
Come home and grow up. I will too. We can graduate together and join the adults.
They'll never believe you're a grownup. You're just too short.
I'll wear lots of makeup and say 'Motherfucker' every second word.
That might work.
Let's hope. I'll talk to Caleb okay? Cross your fingers.
I don't think adults cross their fingers for luck.
Oh, then forget the whole thing. We'll stay kids.
He reached across the table and squeezed my hand. It disappeared into his huge angular fingers and I took my turn to drown in the view.
Don't you cry, Bumblebee, we'll get there. He holds my hand up to his lips for a moment and then he gets up and makes his way out of the coffee shop. I stand up because I want to follow him but I forget PJ is at the next table until I take a step and he reaches out and grabs the back of my coat.
Don't make me chase you too, Bridge. If you're as fast as Loch is, I'm in big trouble.
I debated it anyway. I'm much faster than Lochlan and all I wanted to do was run after Ben. Instead I took PJ's hand and went home.
Motherfuck.
