Every time Lochlan and I disagree on a matter of discipline when it comes to Ruth I pull out the fact that he let me get away with everything and then some, and it isn't fair to deny her the same freedom.
He will stand his ground saying only that times have changed. It's a mantra at this point.
I tell him the only thing different is that we hear more about bad things thanks to the internet but children are safer than ever. We're all safer than ever.
Then today he offers up that the freedom he gave me ruined his life and mine too and he has a second chance here to get things right.
Oh.
That makes perfect sense but he still can't project my childhood onto hers. That isn't fair to Ruth.
***
It's a Led Zeppelin kind of day and I have a date with a blisteringly toxic lemonade cocktail, the front porch and The Lost Symbol, which I'm into, finally. If I can just finish the mending pile first and the drawing of the ship I'm working on and convince the children to have some lunch. It's never hard getting the boys to come and have some food. Of course, they don't sleep until ten in the morning like the kids do.
So when I grow up I think I'd like to be a little kid again.
***
I went down to the boathouse to take Caleb the receipts for Henry's school supplies and he held up his hand to halt me in my tracks and he said She's here. He held the phone out to me and I reached up for it. I don't know who it is.
Hello?
Hi, Sweet-Bee.
Oh, hey Asshole. How's vacation?
Wish you were here! Fuck, Bridget. I feel turned inside-out.
But are you going to be sober for the rest of my life?
Working on it, Bridge.
Work harder, Benny. Why haven't you called?
I don't want to get too attached to you in case you give up on me while I'm gone.
Then come back soon.
I will the moment I get this all figured out, Peanut.
Peanut now?
He's on my mind. He's the only person I haven't talked to.
Besides me, you mean.
Yes.
Want me to go find him?
Naw. I left a message on his phone. I said what I wanted to say for now. I wanted to talk to you.
So then why did you call Caleb?
He always knows where you are.
You're smart. Maybe you'll kick this yet.
God, I hope so.
God can't do this. You have to do it yourself-
I know, Bridge.
Sorry. I was married to a preacher once. Old habits die hard.
Pun intended?
Ouch, Ben.
Sorry but you earned it.
God, I hope they fix your totally inappropriate sense of humor while you're down there.
No you don't.
You're right, I don't. It helps make you who you are.
Who am I, Bridge?
Ben, no one knows who they are.
You seem to cope with it so much better than I do.
You see, this is why we still call you the new guy. Because it's been almost twenty years I've known you and you seem to think I'm mostly bulletproof.
Well, you are.
Shoot me and find out.
And so well-adjusted.
Aren't we? We totally are. So come home, you big freak and let's get on with the show.
