Fitful dreams in the heat of Lochlan's arms where I fell asleep in spite of myself last night drove me to the caves underneath my heart. It hasn't rained in a while so there were no puddles to splash through to heed my arrival. I walked slowly, feeling my way with my hands outstretched in case I tripped, the concrete is broken and wedged up along the way. It's a treacherous walk.
I make it to my room and throw the bolt again, an action I can do in my sleep now, twisting it slightly to break the rust. I pull the ring and then automatically wipe my hands on my skirt. The door opens and I call his name because I don't see him.
Jake.
God turns on the glow light. My dead husband is a Playskool toy. Squeeze him and he lights up. Only I can't squeeze him. I can't touch him. Cole screams from the rafters and my eyebrow goes up slightly in bemusement and fear, too.
He's angry.
Why?
It should be his time right now.
It is. That's why I'm here. I can't do this on my own, so you're being prewarned.
Where is everyone?
Away.
Now? Have they forgotten?
I don't know. I don't ask.
Cole bellows in agony and a fine cloud of dust descends, settling in my hair, giving a haze to the air that magnifies the glow and makes it hard to see. I call up to him.
They didn't forget, I think they're just waiting to see what happens!
He stops and considers this and Jacob begins again.
Will you be coming here?
Yes.
You shouldn't, Bridget.
I don't care.
I smooth my filthy skirt again with one hand, trading my contraband to the other fist and he watches me.
What is that?
Nothing. Just a worry stone.
May I see it?
No.
Perhaps next time.
Cole snarls and Jacob puts a hand up toward him and turns his gaze to what I can't see.
Black wings disturb the air, flapping indignantly and Cole is somehow quieted. They've been communicating again. I like it when they do that. Makes things feel safer to know that they are safe together. It's such a tiny room. I can't do any better right now.
When are you coming on Monday?
Five in the morning. Do you have other plans? Does it matter?
I need to prepare.
Ice-cold blood in my veins.
Will you be here, Jake?
Of course I'll be here for my princess.
Will you..will you switch places for a little while for me?
He turns his head and points again and I see that there's a wooden chair in the right hand corner of the room. I couldn't see it in the dark. He has Jesus beams that blow out of his broken fingers. It's like a superhero talent down here.
Thank you.
I didn't put that there.
Yes, you did, princess.
I look up and strain to see Cole's face in the dark. Jake sends some light his way, not enough to burn him, just enough for me to get his attention.
Will you talk to me on Sunday overnight?
He nods, sullen and rebellious.
I'll see you then. His voice suddenly overrides the screeching monster sounds that crawl out of his throat and he speaks to me clear as day. I always look forward to time with you.
It's been a year since he has said so many words to me down here and my breath catches and chokes me. I stand up slowly and turn to step carefully through the door, not willing to trip like last time. Once safely on the other side I turn back and as the door swings closed I notice they have already taken their positions, Jacob is sitting in the chair and Cole is standing in the center of the room, the backlighting from Jacob's glow giving him an impressive, daunting presence.
I spin the bolt, whisper that I love them both and take off down the hallway before the darkness closes in. When I emerge into the bright light again I look down at my hand. Clutched in my dirty fingers is the case from an old pocket watch. Inside are two locks of hair. One is a warm golden brown, tied with a thin black velvet ribbon. The other is white golden and tied with a ribbon of blue. No one knows I have this, and no one ever will.
