(I've thrown you so many bones this week you can practically re-enact
Jason and the Argonauts, complete with your very own skeleton army.)
We call it a
collective if we call it anything at all. The reluctant Utopia.
You call it a commune.
I hear that often. Daily even.
This house is large and rambling and built on a square. The hallways are large hexagons with all doors opening into the center. There are rooms within rooms and secret doors and windows and a dumbwaiter and a rooftop turret that I demolished with my bare hands and a weathervane. Copper filials outside and miles of wooden trim inside. Wooden floors. Big black grates on the walls for heat. Leaded glass windows in just about every room. It's like a church inside. A comfortable one where the light shoots right through the center and fills the house with joy because it needs to be filled with something and so we chose something good.
I don't care what you think, personally. It was meant to be.
Originally it was a good deal. A huge rambling Victorian house, laden with gingerbread and windows and bedrooms, tucked out of the way and somehow passed over by most, probably because it has one bathroom, and few people will consider a house without at least two. This actually has two, because the water closet at the top of the stairs has it's own door and window, and then you can exit stage right and enter into the huge bathroom proper with the big black cast iron and enamel bathtub, still with room for a large sink and as much other furniture as you would like inside, before continuing out through into the upstairs sunroom surrounded by windows on three sides. It leads to the west wing. This is not a small house.
No one else gave it a chance, and so it became mine, for around a third of what it should have been sold for. Not only was it a good deal, but it would serve as a base or a home away from home for the myriad of beloved friends we keep. Artists and musicians and actors and preachers and uniforms and family too.
And it did, in the beginning.
And then it evolved.
It runs pragmatically. There is a gentle hierarchy, only because there has to be. The children come first, followed by me, followed by the more vulnerable of the boys at any given time. Usually Ben because he struggles with everything so. He fights his recovery, he fights his work, he fights his emotions and so they coddle him. Then seniority plays a large role after that, leaving Lochlan pretty much in charge of most big decisions, but only if they don't involve me so much. PJ looks after my head and has much input from August and then Sam and then Joel if need be.
I cook and clean and do laundry, mending and I care for the children before all the rest. I listen. I keep the music playing and I serve as muse. I wash a heck of a lot of dishes. I borrow very large flannel shirts when I catch a chill and I will ask you for a hug before you can put your stuff down when you first walk through the door, if you've even left at all. The boys are responsible for male influence for the kids, co-parenting, if you will, lifting heavy things, all repair and carpentry, making Big Decisions, protection and affection. They are to create and to rest when they're here.
We buy groceries as a group, spend and save money as a group, and I keep their hearts intact. They keep my head screwed on straight and mostly keep us busy living life so that I don't fall behind and begin to miss. They have a water-tight schedule so that we are rarely, if ever, alone and the driveway is always full, to the point where I will come home and have to park on the street. It's fine though, someone will go out and move my car later. Someone will fix it later too, if need be.
People come and visit and never leave. Friends of the boys. Some keep their own space. Lochlan bought a house a stone's throw away. PJ lives a bit over but never goes home. John lives at the end of this street. Schuyler and Dan have their flat. Caleb has a loft downtown. Dalton, well, we all know of his beautiful apartment. August lives in his office, I believe (it's a joke but not really). Sam has the parsonage that Jacob sold out from under the church, who had to buy it back later and Christian doesn't live here at all anymore but he visits as much as he can. Technically the only people who live in this house are Bridget, Ben, Ruth and Henry but really we all know better.
This is home. To everyone. Ground zero. Space One.
The House. Wide open with twelve keys flung to the ether and caught by those I trust, so good luck getting in.
But the house is not the important part.
The people are.
You may have a bias towards the way we do things here but what works for us may not work for you and vice versa. Traditional roles shared in a nontraditional setting are ultimately both romantic and horribly disdainful to the majority. Curiosity is usually the first reaction, followed by enthusiasm and then caution. Imaginations run wild. Old hypocrisies surface and are swiftly quelled because you see, dammit, you see how proper and uptight I am and how I don't stand for infighting that isn't valid or decisions that aren't fair or appearances that deceive.
I do care when I hear that there are rumors bouncing around so there, once again from the whore's mouth, the explanation. The best part is that it just seemed to happen. There were no plans to do this. Not all of us are hippies. Not all of us are extroverts who thrive on constant contact. All of us are well aware of the stigma of an
intentional family to the outside world. But since when have I cared what the outside world thought of it all anyway?
You thought I was kidding when I talked of my kingdom.
I was not.
