And just like that, I snapped my fingers in the rain and he followed me home. Up the porch steps with our shopping bags and into the front hall, up the stairs where we dumped half the bags on my bed and then went down the hall and around the corner and down another hall to deposit his bags in his room.
And then Gage shut the door and told me he'd been thinking.
About what? I ask, thinking it's just a regular, everyday conversation.
About you.
What about me?
There's a club...and I might want to be a part of it.
What club? I ask as he pulls me in close, leaning back against his desk, bringing me with him. Never been this close. Never noticed how good he smells. Kind of like Schuyler but less disapproving, less perfect. Maybe less gay. Though I don't know. I don't get into his business. He comes and goes on the wind. He hasn't gone anywhere in a quite a while now.
The one where I get to show my appreciation for what you've done for me over the years.
Oh. That club sends me flowers. Sometimes helps out with extra chores. You know. I reach up and smooth his hair from his forehead. Up close he has fine laugh lines around his eyes and perfect teeth framed with a perfect smile. I think you mean the other club.
What club is that?
The one where you say you want me and maybe it all works out. I hold my breath.
Give me some reasons why it wouldn't work out? But he's pulled me all the way in now and is whispering this against my ear while he unbuttons my shirt. While he plays with my earrings. While he smiles that stupid Schuyler/Gage smile that has devastated several of us already in ways we didn't think were possible. I've never seen this smile from him before.
I get attached very easily.
That's a bad thing? Oh my God. I can't concentrate with his warm hands on me.
Always. You become something special and then I get upset if you leave again.
Don't get attached, Bridget. He bends his head down and kisses my bottom lip. His lips are burning hot. Kind of like my cheeks right now.
I take a step back and meet his eyes. That's what I do. I don't think I'd go down this road if I were you. You can't just do this and bail again. You know what I'm like. You know it hurts when they leave. If it hurts when you leave then I can't do this.
There's nothing here to commit to, Bridget. There's no room for me in your nights. No strings, no expectation. Just a one-time thing.
I don't work that way.
Sure you do.
With who?
He thinks for a minute and suggests names. I shake my head. There are always strings. Always. There's always the iceberg that is my heart. The one you think you see all of. The one you think you can hold until you go to tuck your hands underneath it to lift it up and realize it's bigger than anything you've ever seen and you can't lift it. You can't even see all of it. If I let it see you and it gets a good enough look you're doomed, pinned to me forever. There is no one-time. There is no casual. There is you, and there is me and your life is effectively ruined. There is an army now and they are stuck with me.
You need to think about this.
I thought I already had, Bridge.
Not hard enough.
No one ever said that about me. We've been under the same roof for a decade now. It's not too late to explore each other.
And you're one of the few who isn't wrecked. I can't take that perfection from you.
Maybe you won't. I'm a grown man, Bridget.
I didn't think you were a gambler.
Well then maybe you should get to know me better.