As I learn to count my daysLochlan is watching the dark, watching a rare winter night with clear stars visible all the way to heaven if you remain still enough.
The less I care to veil
Something of a deeper truth
Is begging to exhale
When the time has come to bleed
And air my fill
Will you be there for me still
And if you turn and walk away
Well then I know
You were never there at all
I gave Caleb up for lent. It is supposed to be a luxury, something you would miss. Something you would struggle to avoid, something difficult.
He is perfect for the job.
Just let me catch my breath, Lochlan says over the piano notes in my mind.
It can be more than forty days-
I don't know, Bridge. Just leave it.
What will you do?
Give him up as well. He laughs but it's not a happy sound. I don't know. Fast, maybe. Pray. Something.
Pray to who?
Jake. Who else? As close as I can get to God, anyway. Jake is a good middle man.
Why?
I've done so many bad things in my life. I can't walk around like a hypocrite pulling faith out for special occasions. God let me down so I let him down. We haven't actually spoken in years.
It's never too late.
Bridget, if you knew the things I wished for on an almost hourly basis you would agree with me.
He sounds like Caleb right now only he doesn't mean me, for once.
Leave him be.
You breathing is the only thing that keeps him safe.
Why did you let me go then? On the trip?
You asked me. Remember? But you're home now and I don't have to play this game if I don't feel like it.