Too hot. In the pool all day. Japanese for lunch. Traffic-snarl roads drove us back early, back into the pool. So tired. So warm. I wanted to go down and talk to Duncan about a few things but he won't answer me. I haven't seen him since yesterday and he said nothing. I haven't talked to him. I need to see him so I left a couple of messages but he hasn't read them. I feel a little like a one-night-stand who was promised a second date and has arrived at the front door only to be met with silence or an empty room.
Duncan remains untouchable, too cool for me. Too awesome to reply, I guess, as my messages remain unread into the late afternoon and finally I go and knock on his door.
Took you long enough, Poem. You didn't think I was going to do this over text messages, did you?
Do what?
Let you down easy.
Is that what you're doing?
I think I should.
Why?
It's complicated. He laughs. I don't. I'm panicking so hard whooshing sounds of my blood pressure-heartbeat obscure his words. He takes my hands. You make it hard to keep my focus and I have to put Lochlan and the good of the Collective first.
God. If one more man throws me over for Lochlan I'm going to get my own sex change-
I answer to him, not to you. Don't worry. I don't find him attractive. Well, I mean I do but I don't go that way.
But you still put him first?
No, by aligning my loyalties with him, I put you first. That's all any of us want, Bridget. That this is a safe place for you.
So we can't have any more fun?
We can. It's fine if it's only every few months or so.
Honestly, that's what you prefer?
Of course not. I'm human. But it's for the greater good.
My own good, you mean.
Yes.
Great. You're all so earnest and sweet. It makes me sick-
Don't do that. Don't be angry-
Why not?
Because look at it from my point of view.
I don't see any problems with it, Duncan.
Sure you do, you're just being stubborn. Stop it before I take you and teach you a lesson.
Can't. I smile. I have to learn somehow. I shrug.
Jesus Christ. He smiles back and I think Gotcha, Poet. That wasn't hard at all.
Duncan remains untouchable, too cool for me. Too awesome to reply, I guess, as my messages remain unread into the late afternoon and finally I go and knock on his door.
Took you long enough, Poem. You didn't think I was going to do this over text messages, did you?
Do what?
Let you down easy.
Is that what you're doing?
I think I should.
Why?
It's complicated. He laughs. I don't. I'm panicking so hard whooshing sounds of my blood pressure-heartbeat obscure his words. He takes my hands. You make it hard to keep my focus and I have to put Lochlan and the good of the Collective first.
God. If one more man throws me over for Lochlan I'm going to get my own sex change-
I answer to him, not to you. Don't worry. I don't find him attractive. Well, I mean I do but I don't go that way.
But you still put him first?
No, by aligning my loyalties with him, I put you first. That's all any of us want, Bridget. That this is a safe place for you.
So we can't have any more fun?
We can. It's fine if it's only every few months or so.
Honestly, that's what you prefer?
Of course not. I'm human. But it's for the greater good.
My own good, you mean.
Yes.
Great. You're all so earnest and sweet. It makes me sick-
Don't do that. Don't be angry-
Why not?
Because look at it from my point of view.
I don't see any problems with it, Duncan.
Sure you do, you're just being stubborn. Stop it before I take you and teach you a lesson.
Can't. I smile. I have to learn somehow. I shrug.
Jesus Christ. He smiles back and I think Gotcha, Poet. That wasn't hard at all.