I haven't slept yet. Our hours of languishing flat out on the sand last night on the big round beach blankets watching shooting stars was followed with a night of being passed back and forth, being held up, being held down and being turned over so many times gravity ceased to be a factor because I couldn't tell which end was up. I became a falling star overnight only when I came back through the atmosphere I was supercharged instead of destroyed.
Ben could tell which end was up, thankfully, and he was anxious to reconnect in a new way. He likes it dirty and rough and difficult and by the time they stopped fighting over me I had flutters and shakes and was bathed in sweat. True to form they both fell asleep while I was in the (autoclave) shower and when I came out, Lochlan was flat on his back, snoozing deeply and Ben was almost spooning with him, one hand holding the top of Lochlan's head, the other holding my pillow against his chest firmly.
I wish I could post photos of that. I take them, I just can't share them.
Ben looks good though. The dark circles are gone and so is the beard. I thought I was throwing him under the wagon, marrying Lochlan but it seemed to calm him down, as if all the vigilance and strategizing of the past eight years can be relaxed at last.
I left them sleeping and went to find a bottomless mug of coffee.
Eventually they surfaced and right away, Loch asked me to come back upstairs.
Jesus, you're a machine.
I wish. I have something for you, he said.
Upstairs we went where he went and pulled a largeish flat box out from underneath the bed and set it on the bed.
Open it. He smiles at me almost shyly.
I open it. Oh my holy water. Inside? At least a dozen pastel sets of the most beautifully soft vintage lingerie I've ever seen, far over the cashmere and velvet outfits he burned yesterday. It's all in perfect new condition and all in my size. I try on everything. Not a stitch is amiss, not a seam puckers or lifts. Uncanny. The slips fit like gloves. The garters are the perfect length. The bras contain everything yet still manage to be completely scandalous. I look almost..I mean...kinda sexy almost. He sits quietly, watching my fashion show, admiring my skin in between trips to the mirror. Hell, I'm admiring myself right now. Geez.
How did you-wait, when did you do this?
I've been adding to this collection for years. I've found pieces in Europe and the US but it was hard to find such small sizes so it's taken a long time but I knew I wanted to make the most beautiful collection for you.
And Caleb found out and beat you to it.
He heard me telling PJ a while back that I wanted to go one better than Jacob and all that lingerie he bought for you that you liked. But Cale cheated. Everything was new again. That's not the same. Money can buy whatever. This is history. None of this is younger than 1960. I remember you looking at those retro Vaudeville girls on the sideshow. I remember you saying everything you wore would be velvet and satin and beautiful. I don't forget anything you say.
I can't believe he did that.
Bridget, our entire history is steeped in his concentrated efforts to ruin everything for me but it didn't work. I have everything now and I want you to have everything. I want to spoil you for anyone else so that you will only be mine. I want to give you everything I couldn't give you before.
Can we still have cheeseburgers though? I like eating those with you.
As many as you can eat.
We both say half a one at the same time and he smiles so wide, eyes glistening that I loose my composure in the neatly stitched ribbons and ruffles.
I kiss him hard, wavering slightly. I still can't feel my legs but at least I look good.
Lochlan.
Yes.
Thank you. I don't even know which set to wear first.
We'll pick, each day. How does that sound?
Perfect.
Love you, Peanut. Glad you're finally old enough to wear some of this.
Wait, how many years were you collecting it for?
The first two sets I found in 1982.
But-
Yeah, before Jake. Before everything. I mean, it looks now like I'm just copying everybody but I was-
You were here first.
Yeah. I was. And I'm back. And I still love you as much as ever.
How much is that?
More than anyone would even comprehend if ever they stopped to consider.
